A group of wise men were travelling to the City of David from the East. They were wise enough to know that the Romans were lousy at running any sort of accommodation, so they went online and booked rooms at Courtyard by Marriott before they set off. The Romans were having a bit of trouble with the finances – something that has persisted to this day – so the emperor had decided that everyone needed to pay some more taxes, even comedians, TV presenters and footballers. To do this they needed everyone to go home so they could count them and make sure they paid up. There was a gullible carpenter called Joseph who actually believed his wife Mary when she said that she got knocked up in a dalliance with some shadowy figure and the child would be God’s gift. They were travelling across Judea from Nazareth but not being wise or wealthy, Joseph had booked budget accommodation at the Courtyard by Donkey. A sensible man would have hired a cart rather than have his heavily pregnant wife ride a donkey seventy miles but it was not his kid so he could save a few shekels and the bitch could suffer. When they arrived at the hotel, all the staff were from Eastern Europe and he needed some help for his wife. They misunderstood when he asked to see the manager so they ended up in a room out back with a baby’s cot. In the neighbouring room was a man called Lee paying ten dollars for a room and a plate of beans. When Mary went into labour, Joseph found that there was no on-call midwife available in Bethlehem due to Roman austerity measures so he had to ask the hotel staff for some towels. Fortunately for him they had some available despite the hotel being very busy. Once the baby had arrived, the folks in the neighbouring rooms all started moaning about the noise. The shepherds assured the manager that it was not the sheep making the racket and the donkey was too knackered to make any noise at all. One of the hotel guests shouted “Jesus Christ, we are trying to sleep before we queue up for the census in the morning”, so Mary thought that was an appropriate name for the newborn. She wrapped the infant in the latest range of acrylic swaddling hoodie from JD Sport but it was too late at night for her to get a tattoo across her knuckles. The shepherds were getting so much stick from the hotel guests that they decided to take their sheep and go elsewhere, so they headed into the old town to sink a few beers and word spread around the bars that there is a couple down at the hotel with a wailing brat called Jesus. God knows why any of the drinkers were bothered but the bartenders were not happy having sheep crap all over the carpets while towelheads told stories. Some cretin thought that this sounded like a good story for a book and made some notes, but he had been on the dingo p*ss all evening so he may not have got all the facts right. If he had any sense he would have just hacked the shepherds’ phones to get the original version.
Astonishing you managed to prise yourself away from fingering your mother to bore us with this **** Quarter length
