Off Topic "MOW THE LAWNS" SHE SAID

So Mrs is nagging me to mow the lawns, only a half hour job. So I go out and get the trusty Honda mower fired up and am grumpily mowing the back lawn when suddenly I am surrounded by wasps. I had mowed over a nest on the border without realising it. As I felt them landing on me I did a stupid dance around the back garden whilst waving my arms to scare them away. Hoping to be asked onto the next series of "Strictly".

Next second I get stung on the top of my ear. I decided I had better get indoors, but as I am running, not that fast as I am of a certain age, I feel the wasps around the back of my neck. Beating them off I made it into the house where Nurse Wifey removed the sting from my ear and gave me an ice pack.

As I was explaining what had happened to her, and how lucky I was to only be stung once, I was stung again. Some form of ninja wasp had got down the inside of my T- shirt. Cue me running around the kitchen throwing off jumper and T- shirt to discover the little sod still stuck in my side. He met a quick death, and another sting was removed, and another ice pack produced.

Being of brave Scouse stock I went out and finished the lawns, but now have a swollen ear and a lump on my side. Both of them very painful.

Dangerous game this gardening, think I will stick to something safer, like skydiving!

 

As a gardener, I know full well the dangers posed by those little batards. Particularly aggressive at this time of year.

Mind you, you did run over their home so................

Hope you're ok mate

 

#realproblems

 

All relative to the easy life we have in western Europe.

 

Was kayaking with the middle child at a local swamp; it was her first time going with me. Once she felt comfortable enough, and stopped fretting about alligators eating her, she challenged me to a race to a cyprus tree growing in the middle.

I accepted and gave her a headstart. Once she was two-thirds the way there (she's only 9 and in a slow sit-on-top) I started paddling. As I got closer and overtook her I saw something on the side of the tree, a hornet nest, I had seen it earlier and forgot.

I steered out the way and warned her not to get too close to tree. I heard a clunk, looked over my shoulder, she hit the tree dead on, the sky was suddenly occupied by about a few dozen hornets. (Fortunately no more than that).

She preceded to fall out the yak trying to lean away from them. The boat flips and she goes under the kayak, her head comes up in the air pocket where her bum would be and she starts screaming. I see her trying to push kayak upright but not succeeding, I start paddling to go rescue her, wondering how many stings I will get (and how many she got before she flipped).

I rescue her, paddle us both out to safety and only then realise: somehow we both escaped without a single sting. (Which is fortunate because all my kids react really bad to insect stings).

 

You would not have escaped unhurt if you had been mowing the swamp!!

 

Then someone called the rspcc and bad her taken away from you for nearly drowning her?

 

No. It would only be bad parenting if donald trump was about.

 

**** doing the lawns today.

 

My second born as been moaning about his wrist aching all week (he's only 7 you sick ****s). Kept telling il him it was just bruised and it'd be fine. The mrs insisted on taking him to A&E today. Me thinking it was just a sprain said "**** that, I'll drop you both off and leave you to it".

Yep, you've already guessed it...broken!

He's broken the scaphoid bone (small bone between thumb and wrist) and he's now rocking the half pot until Wednesday when he gets potted properly

PS...the little dick did it doing ****ing cartwheels apparently

 

Similar happened to my son when he was about 8. He has Dyspraxia so has a very high pain threshold. One weekend he said his arm was sore, checked it out and it was bruised on the forearm, he said it had hurt from the previous Tuesday when he had hurt it playing in goal at school. Took him to A & E and it was broken. He had a bright green plaster cast on for 8 weeks, which included 2 weeks on holiday in Cornwall. When he had it taken off he looked a bit daft being suntanned except on one arm from hand to elbow.

 

Just watch the wrist. Lots of issue can occur in there to watch for range of motion and any numbness or tingling in fingers etx.

 

Parent of the year folks...

 

I'm confused here, wasps don't leave their stingers behind.
Sure they weren't bees?

 

Possibly, they bloody hurt when they stung. We did find a wasp in the kitchen at the time so assumed he was one of the "gang" may have been coincidence

 

"Lawns'? 'Honda mower'? You Lord Sooty or something? Haven't seen any bees since the weather turned in the last week of September, tbh. Tons of pissed up wasps around. I pick up apples from my tree and those in the orchard by the local as I walk the dog. I feed them to the ponies in the paddock by us. Got to be really careful around this time as there's always a few wazzers on them. Stung on the finger this time last year by one of the homeless, inebriated bitches (they're all females, wouldn't you know?).

By the way, as to leaving their stinger, years ago when I lived at my mum and dad's I swatted one of the bastards with an Echo and put its vicious, twisting corpse in the bin outside. Twenty minutes later my sister picked up the paper and was stung on the thumb. The stinger was still pumping away like **** knows what. I suspect it was a wasp that got you, and you instinctively swatted it and separated the sting as you killed it. Key thing is - did the sting have a barb on the end?

Anyway, lovely and clear as weather is still, it's getting cold. Central heating time and the invasion of spiders from the garage, I anticipate. Don't mind them, tbh, but they never make that run from under the telly to the settee any more - the Lab sees to that.

 

I did the same thing with the same child when he broke his collar bone last year too

 

They don't have much clout in the US.

 

My wife is always fretting about some ache the kids have or thinking the cats are sick. I think she's nuts...

... Then she takes them to the doctor (the kids) or the vet (the cats) and they really do turn out to have some issue.

Everyone would die if I were left alone with them.

 

It's always been the women who do the whole doctor thing. When I was young it was always my mother or grandmother scheduling my doctor appointments. As soon as I grew up and left home I just never bothered and hoped that I wouldn't die. Now the Mrs makes me go.