Stooling rituals

Was out with the troopz at the weekend and one of my mates said that when he's doing a ****e, he takes off his shirt/jumper and curls off liberally.

I've been known to flick my trousers off every so often when I'm struggling to force one out after a fisting session as I feel it opens up the poop chute and allows the brown stuff to flow a tad more easily.

Any of you guys got a jobby tip that you'd like to share with the lads on here?

sixteen ninety guise

 

I sometime face the sistern so I can get my head down for a wee nap mid-jobbie

 

ffs

 

My cisterns are all boxed in behind tiling so don't get that pleasure.

 

So are mine but I had a builder come round and put in a dummy one for the sole purpose of mid-poop resting.

 

If it's going to be a wet ****e, I tend to lie in the bath face down and, although the potential pitfalls can be grape-like and sore, force the aromatic and hot lava from my farter like a brown geyser. Tug one out after too, lying in my filth, before telling the missus the shower is blocked again because of her horrible foot-long pubic hair, the manky cow.

 

I shave my arsehole. There's nothing worse than dragging your own **** behind you like a hamster

 

So what do you eat for mid-morning snacks then?

 

Anyone tried this ^^

Might give it a bash

 

I have but I was worried about hitting the back of my tan Chinos, It was fine .

 

Aye I take my t-shirt/jumper off too.

Reduces any sweating.

 

Gross

 

How do you get 4 pooves on a stool?

Turn it upside down

(if it's got 4 legs and not 3 like some stools have)

 

I regularly crouch being an Arab and all. Obviously it's more precarious because it's a hole in the ground, but having one leg slide in up to the knee in the stinking chunky soup of faeces has turned me in to the man I am today.

 

The foreskin of freshly cut Jews

 

I squat naturally over the side of the bath and wash away the ****e with the shower head.

 

I do tend to aid the evacuation process by sitting down but feet on tiptoes as I've also been advised that it helps pass stool. One piece of advice was to raise the feet further still by placing them on a thick book or block but I have yet to try.

Johnny Foreigner squatting over a hole sounds crude to our Western sensibilities but it is widely considered the best method of taking a dump. I tried it once and had a solid Gorilla's finger but also, for some reason, achieved a sizeable erection at the same time. Never one to mix business with pleasure I have declined to repeat this practice since.

 

I hope you wait until till Jiffy is finished