Here's another original I was walking in the Scottish Highlands when I slipped off the path and landed in a spiky bush. As I fell I thought thistle hurt.
I was in the fish shop the other day and the guy in front of me was standing with a cod under his arm and he asked the guy behind the counter if he had any fishcakes. The guy behind the counter said he hadn't, so the guy in front of me pointed at the fish under his arm and said, "aw that's a shame, it's his birthday today!"
Not sure what the joke is but the one that these Mounties have just been told is obviously a ****ing cracker. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-37173669
Hammered with my mates in Newcastle and between pubs we lost our bearings. In trying to find our way back on track I looked up at the very large imposing building next to us and said 'that church rings a bell.' True story.