But now, he's back. I hate the Daily Mail with a passion, but fair play, this is a nice article and it highlights the struggle he went through when at the time, so many were judgemental about him, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/fo...tml?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490 please log in to view this image +22 Jake Livermore will return to Wembley Stadium with Hull on Saturday for the Championship play-off final please log in to view this image +22 The last time the midfielder played at the London venue was in the FA Cup final against Arsenal in 2014 please log in to view this image +22 During the two years in between, Livermore has gone through personal tragedy and emotional turmoil The outside world reacted with predictable disdain, for this was a millionaire footballer caught out, indulging in Class A drugs. The truth, however, was unknown to all except those closest to him. The little boy, who was also named Jake, had died during birth. For me, it was a relief. The drugs were irrelevant. It could have been drugs, a gun, a car crash or whatever, the self-destruct button was the problem. In April last year Livermore — and his partner Danielle — sat through the harrowing details of an inquest in which it was heard that their son’s death was avoidable. A legal case is ongoing. Days later, a depressed and desperate Livermore took cocaine. He was locking away the pain. The key to unlocking it proved to be the positive test. ‘It was like getting out of prison, people finally knew there was something not right in my head,’ the 26-year-old tells Sportsmail ahead of his return to Wembley in the Championship play-off final against Sheffield Wednesday. please log in to view this image +22 Livermore (second right) smiles after Hull secured their place in the play-off final by beating Derby County please log in to view this image +22 But he has explained to Sportsmail's Craig Hope (left) how difficult the process of recovery has been please log in to view this image +22 Livermore lost his son, Jake, at birth the day after the 2014 Cup final and turned to drugs to mask his pain please log in to view this image +22 The 26-year-old tested positive for cocaine in April 2015 and faced a possible two-year ban from the game ‘It was completely out of character for anything that I have ever been about. ‘Finally I could be myself instead of putting on a brave face 24/7 — at home, at work, getting a coffee, at the shops, you’re constantly trying to be someone you’re not and show emotions you’re not really feeling, because as soon as you shut your front door you become the broken man you actually are. ‘So for me, it was a relief. The drugs were irrelevant. It could have been drugs, a gun, a car crash or whatever, the self-destruct button was the problem. ‘The way in which (his death) happened made it difficult to fight my own demons. ‘If you lose a child in God’s hands it is completely different. To find out why he had died, that was too much for my head and my heart to take. ‘That pain and hurt, it makes you do desperate things. I wasn’t thinking of the consequences. ‘I love my family more than life itself. You take that out of my life and you’re basically taking away me as a person. And that is what happened, I lost myself. ‘I was broken. Most people out there will have a son, a nephew, a little brother. ‘I could not deal with the loss and the circumstances of it, as well as the pressures of everyday life and trying to keep my team in the Premier League. If I was thinking with a cool head I would have asked for time off. But I didn’t want to let anyone down, I just looked at it as another injury I could play through. HOW JAKE LIVERMORE'S PERSONAL TURMOIL AND RECOVERY UNFOLDED May 15, 2015: It is revealed that Livermore failed a random drugs test following Hull’s 2-0 win at Crystal Palace on April 25, and FA guidelines state an ‘in competition’ violation carries a two-year suspension. Hull suspend the midfielder pending an investigation after the positive test for cocaine. August 12, 2015: Livermore's personal tragedy comes to light as it emerges he and partner Danielle lost their son at birth prior to the failed drugs test. Having been interviewed by the FA, it becomes apparent that Livermore's personal circumstances could well come into consideration as the governing body makes a decision on his future. please log in to view this image +22 Livermore contemplates defeat to Arsenal in the 2014 Cup final - a day before his partner went into labour August 14, 2015: Hull manager Steve Bruce asks the FA to show leniency. He says: 'Jake has kept all of the problems that he had to himself. All footballers think they are macho men but they have problems like everybody else.' September 9, 2015: Livermore can return to training after being told he will not face a ban following his failed drugs test. please log in to view this image How Sportsmail reported the FA were prepared to show leniency in ruling on Livermore's failed drugs test September 11, 2015: Bruce says he and his medical team at Hull could have done more to help Livermore. 'In this macho industry of alpha males, people don't want to ask for help,' Bruce says. 'Sometimes it takes a bigger man to ask for help and I think Jake has realised that. We all think we're Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tarzan and it's not the case. September 22, 2015: The midfielder makes his first appearance for the Tigers following his ordeal. He lasted 69 minutes before he was replaced by Sam Clucas in a 1-0 win over Swansea in the Capital One Cup. please log in to view this image +22 Hull manager Steve Bruce admitted in September 2015 that he could have done more to help Livermore December 16, 2015: Livermore scores for the first time since returning to the Hull side, with his late goal against Reading securing a 2-1 victory in the Championship. May 17, 2016: After scoring twice on the final day of the season, the 26-year-old is part of the Tigers team that narrowly beats Derby over two legs to book their place in the play-off final. After the second leg, he is joined on the pitch by his newborn son Jayce. May 28, 2016: Livermore will return to Wembley, where he played in the FA Cup final two years previously, hoping to guide Hull back into the Premier League. He will be supported by 50 family members and friends, including Jayce. please log in to view this image +22 The midfielder celebrates with Andrew Robertson during the Tigers' play-off success against Derby ‘That is a mind which isn’t clear. It was as if football was secondary. I needed help. ‘Bar the embarrassment for my parents, myself and the club, it was something that had to happen. ‘I had to know that there were people out there I could talk to.’ Livermore was suspended by the FA and Hull City were relegated from the Premier League the following week. Last September, however, an independent FA panel ruled that the loss of his son was an overwhelming mitigating factor behind his drugs use and he returned to training. He has barely missed a minute since and is in line for player of the season honours. But Livermore reflects: ‘I feared the worst, I thought my career was done. I’d mentally prepared for that. I understood the rules and would have accepted them. ‘Although my career would have been over, I could have got my life back on track, and at the time that was more important. ‘Even when I came back I didn’t know what people would think of me. But my team-mates and everyone at the club were incredible. Sometimes things have to be dark to see the light. please log in to view this image +22 The FA took Livermore's personal circumstances into consideration and he was not handed a lengthy ban please log in to view this image +22 Livermore admits that he wishes he had spoken up about his personal problems sooner than he did ‘They stepped up and showed me what we have here. They made me feel stronger in letting me know that I could finally be myself. I have enjoyed my football again, that is important for any young individual, to wake up every day and look forward to what you do. ‘I wasn’t enjoying life or football for a long period of time. ‘To come back, it felt like being back with my family again and being in a better place. ‘This is my opportunity for payback. What better way to thank everyone than helping us back into the Premier League?’ Sportsmail spent some time with Livermore earlier in the season when he visited a homeless shelter in Hull. He sat in the bedroom of one resident, Charlie, and listened to him unload the demons which had plagued him following the death of his father at 15. Before he left, Livermore pointed to a picture of Charlie’s daughter on the wall and said: ‘Use her as your inspiration’. It was a poignant moment. A friend of Charlie’s thanked their footballing hero for taking the time to visit and expressed his sympathy for what the player had been through. Livermore was genuinely moved. Talking about his own problems is something he wishes he had done far sooner. ‘Being “proud” is probably the best word to describe it,’ he says. please log in to view this image +22 Though Livermore returned to the Hull team in September, he was still getting his life back on track - and Sportsmail spent time with the midfielder when he visited a homeless shelter earlier in the season please log in to view this image +22 The former Tottenham man sat in the bedroom of one resident, Charlie, and listened to him unload the demons which had plagued him following the death of his father at 15 please log in to view this image +22 Livermore pointed to a picture of Charlie’s daughter on the wall and said: 'Use her as your inspiration' please log in to view this image +22 A friend of Charlie's thanked their footballing hero for taking the time to visit and expressed his sympathy for what the player had been through. Livermore was genuinely moved by the experience ‘I’ve been able to look after most people around me — friends, family, cousins, godchildren — whether that is financially or physically or emotionally. When something like this happens it’s difficult to take your own advice and listen to yourself. This macho image in football, of it being weak to talk and show your emotions, it’s a nonsense. ‘When something like this happens it’s difficult to take your own advice and listen to yourself. This macho image in football, of it being weak to talk and show your emotions, it’s a nonsense. ‘It needs to be addressed and the FA and PFA are doing all they can. I cannot thank the FA enough for how they listened and understood the position I was in. ‘During my hearing it hit home that football is about more than money, scoring goals, winning and losing. It’s about community and the fans and remembering that we’re all still human beings, it’s about people. ‘Anything the FA or PFA want me to do to help, then I will, to stop this happening to other players. I want to pay them back. ‘To have everything but feel as if you have nothing is a place you do not want to be. please log in to view this image +22 He is thankful to the FA and the PFA for their understanding and sympathy during his emotional ordeal ‘I’ve been there, I want to help others.’ Livermore was moved by the story of Bournemouth midfielder Harry Arter, who revealed in January that his daughter was stillborn. ‘I’ve spoken to some of his team-mates and I wanted him to know that I am there if he needs me,’ he says. ‘I have got the utmost respect for Harry as a player and more so as a human being for how he dealt with his loss. I’m sure he was there for his family, but I also hope someone was there for him.’ Livermore is now in the process of setting up his own charity and, as we sit in the dugout on a sunny afternoon at Hull’s KC Stadium, he invariably brings the conversation back to his desire to help others. His own crutch arrived in the form of his dad, Kevin. ‘He was my rock. Since I was a boy, no matter how big you get, you always look up to your dad if he’s the right role model,’ he says. ‘He’s been there for me. As much as my career had potentially gone down the drain and I’d let everyone down, my main worry was to lose the support of my mum and dad. ‘My dad was a major part of me pulling through this and made me realise that one mistake does not make you a bad person. ‘You can’t forget all the good things you’ve done and all the happy times you have brought each other.’ please log in to view this image +22 Now, the 26-year-old is keen to help other players who might be affected by similar circumstances to his own please log in to view this image +22 Livermore was moved by the story of fellow pro Harry Arter (left), whose daughter was stillborn in January JAKE LIVERMORE: FACTFILE Date of birth: November 14, 1989 Age: 26 Clubs: MK Dons, Tottenham, Derby (loan), Peterborough (loan), Ipswich (loan), Leeds (loan), Hull (loan), Hull Appearances: 223 Goals: 11 International caps (England): 1 Happier times are where Livermore finds himself today. His partner gave birth to a baby boy, Jayce, earlier this year and his son joined him on the pitch following Hull’s final game of the season. Livermore was inundated with messages of congratulations and well wishes on social media. ‘That restored my faith in humanity,’ he says. ‘You’d be surprised how much a little moment like that can lift you. ‘That will never leave me, that feeling of taking him from the tunnel and walking him around the pitch. That’s a moment I will never forget, but it is one I should have had two years earlier.’ +22 Now the midfielder is focused on completing a full circle and helping Hull secure a 'magical' win at Wembley +22 Livermore has revealed that 50 family members and friends will be at the game to cheer him and Hull on It was two years ago that Hull were beaten 3-2 by Arsenal in the FA Cup final. I’m hoping Wembley can be magical, it has the power to do that. I’m hoping I can come full circle — from feeling guilty and to blame for failing to keep my team-mates and myself in the Premier League to having my setback and then coming back to help us win promotion. Events of the following day make it painful to look back. ‘That was a happy time. The baby was due a day later. It’s difficult,’ he says. ‘But I’m hoping Wembley can be magical, it has the power to do that. I’m hoping I can come full circle — from feeling guilty and to blame for failing to keep my team-mates and myself in the Premier League to having my setback and then coming back to help us win promotion. ‘That’s been my dream since my first training session back. I wanted to make sure this club and everyone who supported me gets back in the Premier League. ‘I’ve got 50 friends and family coming to the game — it’s nice we can all come together for a good day rather than a sad day. I’m in a happy place now.’
Today's national Daily Mail there is a two page spread on Jake. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/fo...-turned-cocaine-Jake-Livermore-dad-again.html "During my hearing it hit home that football is about more than money, scoring goals, winning and losing. It’s about community and the fans and remembering that we’re all still human beings, it’s about people."
