I learned that thing that Crocodile Dundee used to do. I hypnotised each player until they signed their contract extensions.
"There are two things I didn't expect at all to happen today. Newcastle scoring 5 goals; and Tottenham Hotspur coming 3rd in a two-horse race."
"I heard that Saints once had a Chairman who brought in two Dutch coaches for the price of one English because he thought it a good deal to get two-for-one. What did he know? One Dutch coach is all you need!"