" My retirement plan involves either getting Alzheimer's for real (in which case I won't give a f*ck) or pretending that I'm mental so that I can walk around the nursing home with my chap hanging our the front of my dressing gown and soiling myself so that I get a bed bath from the nurses. I intend on pinching their bums and getting a semi as much as possible so that I become known as "that dirty old man Mr Grove" You have to have ambition in life.
Years ago I worked in a large psychiatric hospital in North London. On one of the psycho-geriatric wards was an octegenarian jewish bloke with a foot long cock which he would regularly bring out in public. On one occasion the ward was expecting a visit from Princess Anne, and as the junior member of staff, I was asigned the job of keeping the old boys monstrous schlong inside his trousers. At one point, with all the patienrs lined up ready for the royal visit, I was forced to wrestle with the ancient Hebrew and his impossible cock; as I did so, the West Indian ward sister walked past and commented in Jamaican patois "I bet you wouldn't mind dat ting up your raaas maaan". True story bro.
