I am a tea drinker most of the time but on occasion I like to have an over-priced coffee from one of the high street chains. I wouldn't know a decent coffee from a giraffe so no point in me searching out some gourmet sh*t (nod to Pulp Fiction there by the way) but there is one thing that has me on the beel. Not the prices, I accept that I am a twat for entering into such an establishment. Not the fact that they don't pay enough taxes, hoorah for capitalism I say. Not the daft aprons they were that obscure the tay-tays, there is always a side boob if you look for it. What has started to really get on my nads is the fact that twats/students/hipsters and the like are allowed to go in and buy the smallest and cheapest brew they do and sit there for feckin hours on their poxy laptops. Don't even have the decency to scurry off into a corner on a tiny table, oh no, they always want to spread out on a four seater meaning there is nowhere for any other customer to sit. Along with scumbags who push their overladen shopping trollies into the express till aisles the selfish table hoggers are on my list and will be shot against a wall when the revolution starts. First world problems eh?
That is a given. Skinny hazlenut latte for me, not found anything more ***** or ****y although a caramel machiatto with cream and sauce looks well nice in the pictures.
It's hardly on a footing with genocide, grand scale corporate tax evasion or Liverpool winning a football match but it does provoke a volcanic level of beel in me to the point where I now refuse to go in. Well, that and the fact that last time I was in my local Cafe Nero I refused a reward card and the customer behind me told me I should take it as it was free - i told her to mind her own ****ing business which never went down well . The other similar thing taht is gauranteed to bring out my inner misanthrope is those arseholes who only go into the pub when there's a football match on and sit there nursing a coke between three of them for 2 hours whilst sitting in the best seats in the house.
Apparently their ****ing teas have more sugar in them than coca-cola or some other stupidly sugary drink. ****s in my old office in London would spend a ****ing fortune in those places, never understood the whole coffee thing.
I like coffee, white no sugar or maybe the odd latte or cappuccino. I tend to make them myself though, why pay £2 for something I can make myself.
I can also make a decent coffee but often like to pretend I am sophisticated and buy one instead. Same applies with having a w*nk. I've worked out how to do a decent job myself but a rub down with a happy ending from someone other than me is always appreciated.
The only time I buy coffee from one of the aforementioned vendors is when I'm traveling, to be fair they are not bad, but massively overpriced.
I spend upwards of 5k per year on imported coffee. Ethiopian Sidamo beans are the very best. A Costa cappuccino (twice boiled water) with one Demerara also hits the spot. Back in a fortnight. Bye.
Listen guise......see is you are on the high street and want a coffee then ignore that bullshit, high priced, rip off merchants like Starbucks and Costa. The best high street coffer vendor is Greggs. Greggs sell coffee that actually tastes like coffee. If you are ***** **** who only likes coffee because holding a cup of it makes you look cool then by all means spend your hard earned in pretentiousville.
I was watching a Norwich match at Metro bar next to Holloway road tube station last season and some African gentleman sat in front of me picked up an empty glass and filled it with a can of Fosters. Went to the bar and grassed him up , when he went for a piss the barman came over and took his half full glass and put it down the sink removing all empties in the bar. I was ****ing livid .
And if you like drinking your mid morning beverage surrounded by tramps, alkies, and legging clad women with arses like hippos, by all means go in Greggs.
The thing about Greggs is that it's a TAKE.....AWAY. This means that you can go in, buy your good quality coffee and then take it and drink it in your preferred location, surrounded by the type of people you feel comfortable with. You're welcome.
On my way to work I drive past a Costa Coffee and there are twats sat in there at 8am, many of them old. May they all die horribly.
We've come a long way from when your ma used to get the percolator out at Christmas and as for those plunger things,don't know how many of the ****ing things I broke hitting them off the tap while washing them.
