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Tomorrows 'the sun' frontpage footballer scandal

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Beatski, Jan 28, 2011.

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  1. Beatski

    Beatski Well-Known Member

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    Toon Striker In Shock Drugs Binge Scandal


    Our ever reliable unnamed source has revealed exclusively to the sun, that Andy Carroll who is definately moving to Chelspurs, was seen taking Four ibuprofen pills in the space of 2 hours, that's twice the recommended dose. As a result, the FA could be possibly considering taking retrospective action, by issuing a three match ban to Joey Barton.
     
    #1
    Beatski, Jan 28, 2011
  2. Wein14

    Wein14 Active Member

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    <laugh> Brilliant!

    BREAKING NEWS!!!!

    Alan Shearer breaks British transfer record in £15 Million to home-town team Newcastle United!
     
    #2
    Wein14, Jan 28, 2011
  3. Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:)

    Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:) Active Member

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    haha, genius
     
    #3
    Tim Kruls Zulu Shield (:), Jan 28, 2011
  4. Vuckic's Faces

    Vuckic's Faces Active Member

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    <laugh> <laugh>






    That is all

    <badger>
     
    #4
    Vuckic's Faces, Jan 28, 2011
  5. Vuckic's Faces

    Vuckic's Faces Active Member

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    Alan Shearer breaks British transfer record in £15 Million to home-town team Newcastle United! And this will mean Joey Barton will be issued a 5 game ban some how he will.
     
    #5
    Vuckic's Faces, Jan 28, 2011
  6. Pipe4Life

    Pipe4Life Active Member

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    Current Newcastle United Defender Titus Bramble was today in custody after being caught doing a rape in a popular North East night spot.

    The defendent claims that he didn't rape the woman in question but that it was consentual 'surprise sex'. A club insider said "he was definitely inside her...and she was crying"
     
    #6
    Pipe4Life, Jan 28, 2011
  7. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>

    On a serious note though, was this the same night that Andy drank two Jagermeisters and 4 bottles of Carling in a gargantuan drinking binge which saw him slip from a barstool. The lad needs to calm down a bit.

    Also talking about medication, Tesco wouldn't let me buy two packets of Lemsip and a pack of Anadin the other week. They said they can't sell that amount of painkillers in case I was planning an overdose, so I had to put one of the Lemsips back. <doh>
     
    #7
    u408379965, Jan 28, 2011
  8. Beatski

    Beatski Well-Known Member

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    That rule really puts off lazy people contemplating suicide, i mean two trips to the tills? I've decided i want to live...
     
    #8
    Beatski, Jan 28, 2011
  9. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    Who would use Lemsip to commit suicide anyway? Unless you're one of those hardcore types who snort it you'd die of water intoxication before the drugs in it had any effect.
     
    #9
    u408379965, Jan 28, 2011
  10. Pipe4Life

    Pipe4Life Active Member

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    what you should have said was "well i on my way to town to blown myself up with this suicide vest when i decided i'd rather go in a less public fashion...I guess i'll just have to detonate myself right here, unless you'll let me take two lemsips of course..."

    *Note: to any governemt agencies that may be reading this comment, it is entirely ficticious and there is no bomb. its just in incredibly poor taste....*
     
    #10
    Pipe4Life, Jan 28, 2011

  11. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    I had that problem when I came back to the UK for visits.

    I'd always stop off in Boots to pick up loads of meds that I just couldn't find in Belgium but I'd have to go to something like 5/6 different branches to stock up with amounts to last 6 months.
     
    #11
    overseasTOON, Jan 28, 2011
  12. SeatonSluiceToon

    SeatonSluiceToon Member

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    Pipe4life, I have to tip my cap to you for the expression 'doing a rape'.
     
    #12
    SeatonSluiceToon, Jan 28, 2011
  13. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #13
    u408379965, Jan 28, 2011
  14. trevstanleyII

    trevstanleyII Member

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    Excuse me but just exactly what drugs does the third world deprived country of BELGIUM not have enough of? Perhaps it is time to start red cross parcels for the people of Brussels! I'll start you off with some strepsils.
     
    #14
    trevstanleyII, Jan 28, 2011
  15. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    Halls Soothers, anadin extra, sinutab, several decongestants for children etc...

    You can buy local variants but don't assume that the brands available in the UK tat you're happy to take and trust are available elsewhere.

    Can I expect you to reply like an arrogant ****wit as well?
     
    #15
    overseasTOON, Jan 28, 2011
  16. Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb!

    Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb! Active Member

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    BREAKING NEWS!

    In the wake of the recent sexist allegations by Andy Gray and Richard Keys, it has come to our knowledge that Joey Barton recently spoke to a women and as such will be fined a weeks wages, and suspended indefinitely.
     
    #16
    Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb!, Jan 28, 2011
  17. Ain't milk brilliant

    Ain't milk brilliant Member

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    Joey Barton's cleaner also confirmed today that he has left a spoon in the fork tray. Subsequently she has reported him to the FA and will be fined again, and has to hand in his football boots to the nearest police station.
     
    #17
    Ain't milk brilliant, Jan 28, 2011
  18. D1ckAnderson

    D1ckAnderson Member

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    Thread of the week! :-D
     
    #18
    D1ckAnderson, Jan 28, 2011
  19. Mod Face

    Mod Face Well-Known Member

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    An investigation has been made into the cause of the Chilean mining accident of 2010 and it has been found that Newcastle United scumbag Joey Barton once visited Woodhorn Museum, he has been given a six-month suspended jail sentence.

    Luckily, there were no casualties in the incident though this was not due to the (lack of) effort from Newcastle United demon Joey Barton so he has been charged with alleged manslaughter for negligence.

    Our source says, "Joey Barton looked at me funny once and the FA once again showed what wimps they are by not banning the player from all competitions."
     
    #19
    Mod Face, Jan 28, 2011
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