please log in to view this image Stephen, welcome to Liverpool Football Club… Thank you so much. How do you feel? Great! I have no other words for this. It was a crazy day with everything that happened in Slough and all that happened here when we arrived. It’s an absolutely great feeling for me and a big honour to be here. ‘You know the idea that if you boil some water and throw a frog in, it will leap around until it’s dead?’ says Stephen Merchant. ‘But if you put it in there and heat the water gently the frog slowly boils alive and doesn’t really notice it happen? That’s how I feel. Like Brent was thrown in the water and I’m going to be slowly been boiled alive.’ What attracted you to Liverpool Football Club? The chips and all I heard about them, I love chips and the intensity of the chips in Liverpool. I always thought about working in England because of the kind of the chips and the intensity of the chips, and Liverpool was first choice. Now I have got the opportunity to work here, it’s the best thing I can imagine. What did you need to consider, or would you say it was an easy decision? It was not the most difficult decision. I ended my contract with Brent four months ago and I thought about what I would do in the future afer working with this fat prick for so long – I had to develop myself, think about all the things that had happened in the last 15 years. It was great, but it was enough. The owners have a dream and I have a dream, and so there was not too much they had to say so I could be here. please log in to view this image You can go wherever you want now – you’re the manager of Liverpool Football Club! Yeah, that’s the best thing I'm gonna do a tour of all the strip bars and then move on to the Cavern Club! But not during the 90 minutes – that will be the most difficult thing for me, the two benches being so close I might twat Wenger if he gets on my nerves with his stupid puffer jacket. I get a little bit emotional during a game! Can you tell us what style of play we can expect? A wild one [laughs]. In football, all the world-class teams play possession football, that's cool. I like to watch this; Barcelona, yes. But nobody starts as a ball possession team. . The first thing, always, maybe in life, you need to have a stable defence. We have to work hard. I'm a hard worker unlike the short fat Brent twat that was here before me, we're still friends though. Will you be bringing any of your backroom staff? Yes I'm thinking Barry from Eastenders, I've worked with him before and he knows the offside rule, Carl Pilkington will work as my assistant as he's my bitch and will do what I say. Between the three of us we should be able to knock out some good footy. Finally, what is your message to the Liverpool supporters? I thought this was Bayern Munich? Ha! Only kidding.
1 2 3 o'clock 4 o'clock flop 5 6 7 o'clock 8 o'clock flop 9 10 11 o'clock 12 o'clock flop Klopp will flop, like Rogers on the kop
