Fantastic find. I've just got to this one. Maybe it needed the others as build up, but it had me guffawing. "Travelling home, looked at taxi driver, how much if I puke............. he jokingly said £30.......... BARGAIN I said and covered him and his cab in a technicolor yawn"
This sounds too good to be true (the caper generally, not the 'beast'). This has caused a persistent chuckle in me. Told my girlfriend, and she produced a screech of sorts, whilst laughing. Bravo.
Some first class wordsmithery(?) in there. Here's a beauty... Last night me and the Mrs had a bit of an argument - can't remember what it was about, probably the colour of a new sofa or something equally tedious. Anyway I decided to leave her to it and went off to the Man please log in to view this image Cave for a few hours and ended up downing a few jars of Ale while generally messing about doing nothing productive. I heard her stomp off to bed about 10pm and after a while I knocked one out then decided to go join her, finding her totally asleep and in the full "cold shoulder" position, back towards me, having knicked all of the duvet first. At this point I was suitably jolly and in the kind of stupid mood that has got me in plenty of trouble over the years. Getting into bed I decided that, as she was still in a huff and I'd forgotten all about it, she should be punished with a light "Potato Print" With Cheeks Splayed I shuffled back towards her giggling like a schoolgirl and as my ringpiece kissed the flesh of her upper thigh I let rip with what I was sure would be a light passing of air. My face genuinely dropped and jaw agape like something out of a cheesy cartoon as a squeaky announcement pierced the still of the night. Alternating with wet "flump" like sounds, almost like someone firing golf balls with an air cannon into wet concrete. As I moved to get away from beloved the act of me sitting more upright only served to increase the pressure behind the flow and I looked back to see my wifes backside and thighs covered in a foul smelling, almost entirely circular, wet and still moving mass of ****e. If you imagine someone had put a recently poured and still thick McDonalds chocolate milkshake into a circular mold then taken that mold away - that's the effect. Only it smelled like death and arrse. My Dear wife, who I was now feeling slightly sorry for, isn't used to being waken up with a brown shower and bless her actually rolled INTO it before her eyes opened wide and realised something was amiss. She leapt out of bed with such enthusiasm that my bum gravy on her legs was flung off and hit the nearby wall with a "slop" By this point all the lights were on and I stood there like a naughty schoolboy, apparently not helping the matter by saying "Well I've never shat in bed before"
