Off Topic The last poster wins thread NSFW

An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene."
Indian: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Indian: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Indian: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Indian: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20

 

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Loved this one..

 

Proud to be a ****ing jock.
Proud the be a ****ing sheep shagger.
Proud to be a mick...



what's so wrong with being proud to be English?

 

I am!!!
Every form I fill in I say English!!
Not British!!!!!!
In order, I'm English then Mackem then British!!!

 

every time some **** asks me' wheerree ye from' (usually in a ****ing scouse voice) i always reply sunderland...if its some **** else... its always england...now **** off.

 

God Bless the yanks legal system.
Why we are in trouble .Stella Awards It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards." For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head and say ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!. So keep your head scratcher handy.Here are the Stellas for the past year:

SEVENTH PLACE
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. Start scratching!

SIXTH PLACE
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California, won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Scratch some more..

.
FIFTH PLACE
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching, there are more......
Double hand scratching after this one.....
FOURTH PLACE

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt
bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

THIRD PLACE
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Only two more so ease up on the scratching....

SECOND PLACE
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ....... Oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. OK. Here we go! Got any hair left?

FIRST PLACE
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The jury awarded her -- are you sitting down? --- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home. Are we, as a society, getting more stupid ....Or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?

 

one for the animal lovers....kinda cool.

 

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Haha, topper...

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This adds a new dimension to "playing with yourself"

 

Raging homo.

 

Aw come on. It was a nice big puddy cat. He got released into the jungle. And some yank shot him and lobbed his head off.

 

Why do we need Whitney though?

 

A wealthy Essex couple were sat having breakfast in their luxury home, when an announcement came over the estates tannoy.
'Dear residents, due to all the snow the snow plough will be out this morning, could all residents please park there car on the left hand side of the road, in order to help the plough do its job'.

The loving blonde wife said to her husband, 'oh Miles i must go and put the porsche on the left hand side of the road'. And of she goes.

The next morning, while eating their eggs benedict, the tannoy once again comes on.
'Dear residents, due to all the snow the snow plough will be out this morning, could all residents please park there cars on the right hand side of the road, in order to help the plough do its job'.

The loving blonde wife said to her husband, 'oh Miles i must go and put the porsche on the left hand side of the road'. And of she goes.

Then again the next day whilst eating their scrambled eggs with salmon, the tannoy once again springs into life.
;'Dear residents, due to all the snow, the snow plough will once again be out, could all residents please park their car on the...........silence.

'oh Miles, says his wife Tracey, what can i do, the tannoy must have broken, i don't know where to park the car today, and the plough will not be able to do its job.

The husband puts down his fork, and looks at his beautiful, caring wife and says. 'Tracy my dear wife, why not leave the car in the garage today, i'm sure they will manage.

 

Does anyone think we should sticky this?

 

Yes, Marcus . . . . you obviously do

 

Hell, why not