I used to drive a Taxi when I was at college. I got a fare one night with this rough looking bint who was half cut and destined for a right shady area of Dumbarton. When we got outside her flat she opened her legs and said "Can you no just take it oot of this?". I said "For ****'s sake hen, have you not got anything smalller?"
Another time I pulled this bint in Aberdeen, we went back to her place and got down to business on the rug in front of the electric fire. Her dad came storming in with wild eyed fury, he shouted "Three bars oan the fire hen, dae you think we're mad a money.