1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

the official 'how will siem de jong injure himself next' thread

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by MF SHAK, Apr 25, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 1 of 2
  1. MF SHAK

    MF SHAK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    497
    minor foot injury from chopping garlic

    bruising of the cataracts whilst looking at the ripples in a pond

    severe anal injury whilst being circumcised for charity

    hand injury after obertan wrestles him with his mind
     
    #1
    MF SHAK, Apr 25, 2015
  2. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    73,816
    Likes Received:
    39,871
    Planting a shrub and dislocating his shoulder.
     
    #2
    Albert's Chip Shop, Apr 25, 2015
  3. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    40,545
    Likes Received:
    27,057
    Detached retina after Ashley shows him the medical bill so far and says De Jong has to pay for it.
     
    #3
    Obi Wan, Apr 26, 2015
  4. Joelinton's Right Foot

    Joelinton's Right Foot Worth Every Penny

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    21,241
    Likes Received:
    13,740
    Injured pride when he realises who he plays for!
     
    #4
    Joelinton's Right Foot, Apr 26, 2015
    MF SHAK, Obi Wan and Salomon #9 like this.
  5. JakartaToon

    JakartaToon Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    16,443
    Likes Received:
    19,687
    And then pulled a hamstring trying to escape.
     
    #5
    JakartaToon, Apr 26, 2015
    Obi Wan likes this.
  6. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    73,816
    Likes Received:
    39,871
    Accidentally tripping over and landing on Bri's butt plug.
     
    #6
    Albert's Chip Shop, Apr 26, 2015
    TheJudeanPeoplesFront likes this.
  7. SSJNUFC

    SSJNUFC Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2011
    Messages:
    586
    Likes Received:
    63
    Mental scars when Carver joins the team for his annual shower at the end of the season
     
    #7
    SSJNUFC, Apr 26, 2015
    MF SHAK, Obi Wan, Salomon #9 and 1 other person like this.
  8. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    40,545
    Likes Received:
    27,057
    Luckily you were already there 'covering' the butt plug, to cushion his blow
     
    #8
    Obi Wan, Apr 26, 2015
    Salomon #9 likes this.
  9. MF SHAK

    MF SHAK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    497
    mental scars and injured pride...genius there lads.
     
    #9
    MF SHAK, Apr 26, 2015
  10. It's_all_Greek_to_me

    It's_all_Greek_to_me Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2012
    Messages:
    14,470
    Likes Received:
    10,398
    Straining his rectum whilst taking a ****. A good few weeks out injured.
     
    #10
    It's_all_Greek_to_me, Apr 27, 2015

  11. Beardsley's Stylist

    Beardsley's Stylist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    1,211
    Likes Received:
    843
    Full body cast due to sleeping in a slightly awkward position. Out until the last couple of games of next season (he'll be like a new signing)
     
    #11
    Beardsley's Stylist, Apr 27, 2015
  12. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    6,713
    Likes Received:
    7,254
    Dislocated shoulder giving JC a reach around !
     
    #12
    cronemeister, Apr 27, 2015
    Obi Wan likes this.
  13. JakartaToon

    JakartaToon Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    16,443
    Likes Received:
    19,687
    Beaten up by Ajax fans who mistook him for his brother who they blamed for costing them the league title this year with all the goals he scored that he had been saving up while he played for us.
     
    #13
    JakartaToon, Apr 27, 2015
  14. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    37,088
    Likes Received:
    12,616
    Bad back from carrying 24 other squad members and coaching staff through to safety.
     
    #14
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 27, 2015
    Joelinton's Right Foot, Obi Wan and MF SHAK like this.
  15. Beardsley's Rancid Sack

    Beardsley's Rancid Sack Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2011
    Messages:
    3,688
    Likes Received:
    930
    De Jong will hopefully be the ace in the hole we need to just about survive.

    He will injure himself when he scores the winner against West Ham to keep us up. Not by scoring you understand but rather in his celebration by running and flying two foot challenging Carver to his vile, repugnant face, shattering both his legs and fat bollocks brain instantly, to a standing ovation from the fans and his team mates.
     
    #15
    Beardsley's Rancid Sack, Apr 27, 2015
    Joelinton's Right Foot and Obi Wan like this.
  16. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    37,088
    Likes Received:
    12,616
    I'm not sure I care anymore if we survive? The PL is not the be all and end all. I can honestly say hand on heart, I enjoyed watching Stimson more than the groundhog seasonal affair we currently endure <laugh>
     
    #16
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 27, 2015
  17. Geordie lass in the Fen

    Geordie lass in the Fen Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,761
    Likes Received:
    1,643
    He will probably cry his "eyes out" when he realizes he has waited so long to play for this shower of sh1t
     
    #17
    Geordie lass in the Fen, Apr 27, 2015
    Obi Wan likes this.
  18. MF SHAK

    MF SHAK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    497
    :1980_boogie_down:

    nice

    haha, thats some vivid imagery. I literally just envisioned a man on his knees on the pitch, arms to the sky and with his eyes hanging out , whilst sissoko looks on uninterested
     
    #18
    MF SHAK, Apr 27, 2015
  19. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    40,545
    Likes Received:
    27,057
    That sounds like Willem Dafoe in Platoon shen he gets shot to bits. That would be one serious injuy.
     
    #19
    Obi Wan, Apr 27, 2015
  20. cronemeister

    cronemeister Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2011
    Messages:
    6,713
    Likes Received:
    7,254
    Thought the same thing as I read it..then scrolled down and saw your post. Great minds and all that :)
     
    #20
    cronemeister, Apr 28, 2015
Page 1 of 2
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page