Off Topic Things you never thought you'd hear someone say

"Short back and sides please pal"

-Steve Beaton

 

At lop it of Len's on Endike Lane you may not of asked for it but that's what you got.

 

Did he?

 

Behave yourself ya fecker.

"I'll keep this short and sweet" = Fez

 

"Mr Allam was blackmailing me." - Happy Tiger

 

Easy. Take a bus down to your local supermarket and buy 15 tins of a really wet and pungent dog food. Take another bus to Pets R Us and get a cats litter tray. Stay with me.
Go home, but stop off at Aldi on the way. Buy copious amounts of select real ales and fine German beer. Don't forget their Mega bag salted peanuts. If they've got a foldy- up chair, get one.
Go home, get the Missus to cook you a big, bad breakfast at 3pm, it will line your belly.
Now you're ready to set off, you reach your destination, you serve out the dog food into the litter tray, you unfold your chair, you arrange your bevvys and nuts (both).
That's it, simple, what self-respecting Weasel, Badger, honey or whatever, or even a passing Unhappy Tiger could resist the lure of a rumble in the Linnet. All things are possible, read my CV

 

OLM saying "I agree with patty"
Oh, hang on a minute...

http://www.not606.com/threads/the-ched-evans-to-oldham-decision-is.288260/page-25 (post #495)

 

"You know what? I just realise Hull Tigers is more letter than Hull City. How I ever pass those accountancy exam I never know."

 

"Private Aluko you will be a member of the firing squad."

 

Now i'm worried I took the wrong syllabus. In my accountancy exams I was never expected to count the letters in a word, it was all Gross Profit Margin this, Debtor days ratio that. Something about cost of staff wages to turnover, I don't know!

So many years wasted

 

Accountancy, the art of being a nosey,bossy bastard.

 

"Hey guys!" Stuart Blampey

 

Thank ****.

 

Mate of mine heard some bloke chatting up a bird in a pub recently:

"So who's your favourite Travelling Wilbury?"

 

Reminds me of a date I had about 12 years ago when she suddenly said "Anyway, enough of the small talk - what's your favourite Radiohead album?"

The good news: i like Radiohead. The bad news: she insisted that Amnesia was great, and not an over-ambitious mess at all.

 

The weirdest thing someone has said to me, however, is "How'd you like your eye in a sling?"

 

I like that. Been on some rough dates like that too

 

"The past is the past" - any Leeds United fan

 

This was a burger seller in a van at the B&H International golf at Fulford, when I was about 13. He put the burger down on the counter in front of me and just stared. After a while, I said "Er, how much is that?", and that's when he said it. Not only did it make no sense, I had no idea how I'd pissed him off.

 

Poor lass has obviously never heard The Bends.