Seen one porn movie, seen 'em all. One bloke, when I served on the Ark Royal, brought the home video he made onboard to show the lads what his missus likes. Some years later, I met her when we were on Reservist service together. I didn't mention the video, I'm too much of a gentleman for that. I just went "Woof" in the manner of a German Shepherd, in her presence on a number of occasions. For some strange reason, this seemed to make her blush.
I saw a porno in the 90's once, I think it was called "Wet gap" It was a Dutch feature length, but for the benefit of English speakers there was a hilarious commentary all the way through each scene, by a Dutch guy in English but with a very strong accent. The line I remember most was "Hey beauty Queen play on his skin flute!" followed by (as the guy blew his load) "And now it is time for ze cream, that's it man spray it all over her body, she's a nasty bitch!" My mates and I were crying with laughter watching it.
