Happy Christmas - Here's Your ****ing Gift

Feel free to do your own on here.

To You From Me

Dan - 2 weeks in a bothy near Fort William with the woman/animal of your choice.

Gambol - A tour of Californian vineyards

Eddie - Tin foil. A big ****ing humungous roll

ER - A hot water bottle and a tin of Cadbury's Hot Chocolate

UN - A weekend with a pro to pop your cherry

Gas - A new bowl for you and yours car keys

MD - A new dishwasher

Gerry - Nappies

Mick - A new job

 

Sticky this, Mick/gyp

 

I agree, get this stuck you useless ****s.

And thanks for the bowl T

 

Got a receipt for the dishwasher?

 

I hope it's a high class hooker you're getting me.

 

Tina (who left me off her list):

A dead cat
A bucket of sick
A used dildo
A IDS
A celtic season ticket

 

You are one sick bastard.

 

Slightly upset by this.. Only slightly mind.

 

My fingers got sore from typing plus I'm tired.

 

Glad you said typing..

 

No mention for me again I see. Even Gerry got one. Time to have a break from the forum methinks

 

I'd by bealey some weight lifting gloves...

 

I'd buy gas a new gimp mask

I'd get gambol fingerless gloves

Dev...some regaine

Venom... helicopter lessons from Glasgow police

St..a new arse dildo

 

*buy

 

I require no gifts.

I have the gift of life.

 

Know how you feel mate.

 

Thanks Tina

Dev - the Grouch Marx book of one liners so he can modernise his routine

Bealey - a slap meal for 2 at Qua so he can say sorry to Paolo in person

Jonno - a ouija board so he can do another interview with Frankie Fraser

ST - a 2 year sojourn to the Turks and Caicos Islands so he can have another crack at getting independence from the UK

Gas - an extension so he has somewhere to put his "guests"

Toby - my Watford tickets as we keep losing when I go

ER - the soup dragon from the clangers so he has someone like minded to share his passion with

Stopme - a paper detector so he can go round the country finding out where the banks have hifden all our money

Bib - a machine to take thoughts out of his brain so he can bottle up the dirty ones and sell them. He would be a millionaire in no time.

Monaco - some rosary beads, a Jerusalem bible and a Pogues album for Gerry junior

Gambol - a bouquet, some decent wine and a good disguise so he can have a proper crack at his ex.

Tina - a badger onesie so I get the best of both worlds during our trip to Fort William

 

I'd buy you a new arse...


After yer old one collapsed when smug offered you a meeting.

 

Cheers Dan...

I'm taking your Liverpool strip, Mrs McCanns autobiography and the tickets to brugge back...

 

Thanks Dan but we tend to share the same room with our guests so an extension would be a waste of money.