A bear walk's into a bar and say's, give me a whiskey and .............. coke. Why the big pause ask's the barman. The bear shrugged, i'm not sure, i was born with them.
What is the difference between a magicians wand and a police truncheon? A magicians wand is used for cunning stunts.
Doctor....." I've got some bad news and some good news for you Mr Thompson, what would you like first " " Give me the bad news Doc " Doctor..." you've only got 3 weeks to live " "jeez what's the good news?" Doctor...." I f@cked that pretty nurse in the corner this morning "
A dick has a sad life his hair's a reet mess his family are nut's his neighbour's an arsole his best friend's a pussy and his owner beat's him.
What's pink and gathers dust? I've just asked my neighbour that and she said " shut the door behind you and I'll show you "
Irish laborer shows up for a job interview. Recites his qualifications and the interviewee asks "can you start tomorrow? Sure says the Irishman. Shows up next morning, reports to the foreman as instructed. Foreman takes out pad and paper..."what's your name?" Irishman says O'Shaughnessy. Foreman says, spell it please. Irishman says "ah, **** it, didn't want the job anyways."
Fella goes into a bar and asks for a pack of Helicopter flavoured crisps. "Sorry mate, we only do plane" said the barman.
The Agony of Aging > On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended > I stopped in to visit my aging friend. > He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. > I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - > You're supposed to turn your clock back"
