The Gentlemen's Club - For Not606 Gentlemen

Tonight's gentlemanly topic for thoroughly amiable, if not indeed engaging, discourse, is that of pessimism. I think all the gentlemen of the board will agree this is most apt at present *strokes pervert moustache*. Below is listed five potential debutants in world football, and you must sport your finest gentleman's trilby (and not the Blatter-trilby, which whilst obviously admirably advocating the opening of a door for the fairer sex, almost certainly precludes a good perverted buttock-perusing thereafter) and champion the traditional aspects of the game, over the modern poppycock, stating the most pessimistic potential of the scenarios and its impact upon our fair game.

1. The introduction of an extra umpire watching a live broadcast via a monitor in a darkened backroom, rather like one does with the hispanic nanny when the wife is out... yes you dirty b**** fold those like daddy likes... only to weed out unspotted incidents (boring).

2. The deployment of electronic thingamajigas to let people without fingers keep track of the score.

3. The addition to an umpires on the field arsenal of weaponry... No, not the duelling pistols we've all been clamouring for (diving ****eth, eat lead from five paces, b***), just sin bin cards.

4. The obliteration of the penalty duel after ninety minutes and extra time.

5. A million umpires, so if one of the many other umpires misses something umpire-worthy, then umpiring can be deferred to the umpire who isn't a blind Man Utd loving b******.

 

4. The obliteration of the penalty duel after ninety minutes and extra time.

Clearly whoever proposed this has never watched a dull game of international football... Which is about 98% of them!

And now, we reach the climax of the evening, the drawing of straws... Oooooh, and the captain of Germany picks a pretty long looking straw. Tension fills the ground, as Gerrard limbers up, eyes focused with immense concentration... He's got to pick his straw early and not change his mind... He places his hand towards one, but stops, and cheekily picks another at the last second... and it's longer!!!! Unbelievable scenes here, as Gerrard picks a slightly longer straw... cms in that... Literally another few to the left and it's all over... Wonderful skill from Gerrard.

 

Tally ho

 

Cricket

 

Is'nt alcohol a wonderful thing !!

 

Good thinking old chap. There should a compulsory half time tipple so both teams can share their mutual, gentlemanly respect - before smashing the smithereens out of each other again.

 

Good Morrow my young man !

I would have to go with the electronic thingamajiggy thing and my reason for this is fairly simple.

Having just been to my very first AFL game at the MCG in Melbourne last week these electronic thingamajiggy things are used for so much more than to help peoples keep count. Fat Mike could advertise some sports direct **** for example....and my personal favourite as displayed last week at the MCG is the Cuddle Cam ! They basically superimpose a love heart shape onto the screen and the camera zooms into random people and they have to cuddle ! I reckon it could be a goer !

On the subject of the AFL game, I prefer to refer to is as Lots of Rules Footy rather than Aussie Rules Footy, twas quite a spectacle. 62000 fans packed into a 100000 capacity stadium, no fan segregation so everyone is free to mingle...and you can take beer to your seat....Christ imagine that on derby day against the filth !!

I thought the concept of the ball-boy type people who run the line (in a big ****ing circle) throwing the ball back in was a bit weird. Maybe we could adopt that in a different guise, and pick a fan from the crowd to do the throwing in....and maybe put it up on the electronic thingamajiggy's !

 

Now there's an idea. MA could reward you well for suggesting that.

 

On point 5 I think that could work the entire crowd could be made up of umpires with a yes/no button on each seat.

 

Here, here. Well said old chap.

We could also wire up one those dog walking electronic thingamajiggys to the ref and when he makes a decision the fans don't 'agree with' we can all buzz him with a few if those electric volt whatjamacallums so he is aware if his error.

 

Old bean, had to pop on my specs there as I thought you were referring to a Roy Keane type scenario.
Glad to see it's dog WALKING.

 

What are these 'specs' you refer to? Next you'll be telling me they will replace the classic monacle.

 

What are you doing on this thread Obi, you aren't a gentleman.

 

Not606 gentlemen. My favourite oxymoron.

 

Darlings I'm back had a spiffing time. I'm sure JPF doesn't mind me posting.

 

5. A million umpires, so if one of the many other umpires misses something umpire-worthy, then umpiring can be deferred to the umpire who isn't a blind Man Utd loving b******.

I'm sure the FA would thoroughly vet all 1,000,000 applicants to make sure they were all Man Utd loving (they'll have reserve umpire squads who are all Man City, Chelsea or Arsenal loving ready for deployment at those teams games also).