A Jokes thread anybody?

A new advert, "Pinch one and stop one".

 

Agent Bruce and RA White were walking down the road, having agreed to peace talks.

Soon, however, the talk got around to football and the mood became quite ugly.

Out of frustration at being unable to impose his rational views, Agent Bruce kicked an empty bottle absent-mindedly that was in his path.

To the utter astonishment of both, a classical Arab genie appeared, replete with buck teeth, oversized beard, turban and scimitar - the full works.

"Your wish is my command, O my masters!" said the genie to the dumbstruck pair. "Anything you wish will undoubtedly happen, in the name of the Prophet!"

After composing himself, RA White said: "I'm totally sick of Geordies. Is there any way you can build a wall around Sunderland to keep them out?"

In less than a second a massive stone wall appeared around Sunderland, twelve feet high and four feet thick. Utterly impregnable.

"And what is YOUR wish, my master?" the genie said to Agent Bruce.

"Let's get something straight about the wall," replied Agent Bruce. "Nothing can get in or out of it, right?" he asked.

"Absolutely nothing, O my master".

"Right, fill it up with water then."

 

I didn't know anybody had heard that little conversation.

No rep just now, but later.

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

 

The mood became quite ugly?.....Agent Bruce has a head start with this one..

I'm totally sick of Geordies? I'm very good friends with loads of Geordies who are fellow SAFC fans who I attend the games with...Skunk, Mag wor wor twats on the other hand are a different kettle of fish..

 

Is that anywhere near Iceland?

 

On the one hand Jeremy Beadle was well endowed in the trouser department.
On the other he was rather small.

please log in to view this image

 

Didn't know about him being well endowed in the trouser department.

 

Whats mary short for?

Cause she has no legs

 

That would make her very short, poor little Mary.

 

Read a book on mountainclimbing by Willie Makeit.. the follow up was a bit pessimistic though... it was by Betty Wont.

 

Thought the follow up was by Betty Did.

 

Two blokes from Newcastle filling in a crossword

Albert "What did old macdonald have "

Obi "A farm"

Albert "How do you spell it"

Obi " I'm not sure I think it's E I E I O "

 

Bruce bought a new car, when they told him to bring it in for its first service he couldn't get it up the church steps

 

Three mates in a bar trying to decide what is the fastest thing in the world

Bri " The fastest thing in the world is light, I go in a dark room switch on the light and straight away I can see "

Whitey " I think the fastest thing in the world is sound, I start to talk and straight away you can hear me "

Fredor " No you are both wrong the fastest thing in the world is diarrhoea, last week I had diarrhoea and before I could switch the light on or tell anybody I'd **** myself

 

http://www.mediafire.com/view/70n8vcxkdb4mvdm/Diary.JPG

 

Better be careful fredor, you could end up with some green bars.

 

No please anything but that !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Misbehave yourself then.

 

I take it that telling jokes 'runs' in your family Fredor.