You own NUFC

Right... if you won £500m overnight.... and bought NUFC what would be the first things you would do (no specific timescale)?

I'd immediately contact 10 random ST holders... take them out on the piss.... hire a secretary (red hair) and listen and take notes... all night long.
At the core of my plan for the club I'd ensure that every fan (member, ST holders or simple email sign ups) would receive a monthly newsletter laying out my vision... measureable timescales and progress against those goals.

Other things I'd look at include....

Standing/singing sections (legislation permitted)
Free cup tickets for ST holders
Free away transport for all fans who buy a ticket
Chairman position to be on an election basis voted by the fans, on a 4 year rotation cycle
Flags allowed for all games
Managerial position- possible changes
All profits reinvested into the club with larger share/allocation for player recruitment
Cap on all child tickets of £5 (they are the future of our club)
Full ticket refund for away games if we are EVER beaten by more than 4 clear goals or more
Full ticket refund for home games if we are ever beaten by 3 clear goals or more
A 25% stake in the club to be gifted to the fans
A minimum of 2 starting 11 positions to be allocated to products of our academy (will help attract and retain players)

What kind of thing would you look to do?

 

Good luck with winning £500m overnight.

 

Ok, devil's advocate time (again)...

Most of those suggestions are about being popular with the fans as opposed to being successful - not that there's anything wrong with that, but those ones wouldn't change anything on the pitch.

As for the others...

I think the fans electing a chairman sounds a lot better than the reality of it would be. The popular choice is not always the best choice. There would have to be a lot of checks and balances in place to make sure that somebody with the relevant business acumen was elected.

Changing manager.....I'm assuming you'd want someone like Gordon Strachan for his mop, but yes, this question would get very different responses with a different chairman. As chairman you'd have the opportunity to take away Pardew's excuses by investing in the squad and see if he succeeded, or draw a line under things and have a chance of attracting a manager who may not have been willing to work under Ashley.

As for a guaranteed 2 places for academy players - in my opinion this would open up the possibility, even likelihood, that the criticisms of Pardew having guaranteed starting places for underperforming players would just be repeated. It should ALWAYS be the best team starting with no other considerations taken into account.

Other than that...

 

MA got his hand up your arse again?

 

Is that what it was? I thought the anusol had stopped working....

 

Got small hands has he?

 

Or maybe I've just got a big arse!

 

Sack Alan Pardew, John Carver, Andy Woodman, Steve Stone, Wendy Taylor, Shola Ameobi and the entire box office Staff. Transfer list the entire squad, apart from Fabricio Coloccini, Sylvain Marveaux and Hatem Ben Arfa. Buy the club out of its contracts with Wonga and Viagogo, rip down all of the Sports Direct signs and set about trying to find a couple of credible, moral sponsors who are willing to pay us actual money. Expand our scouting network to worldwide level, with concentrated efforts on Germany, Italy and Spain, targeting players who other clubs might actually want. I'd then spend the remaining three months of the season attempting to convince Frank de Boer to become our new manager, probably achieving very little bar multiple charges for harassment.

 

Didn't like to say that.

 

Its the least of my problems so I'm past caring

 

Between us we've managed to derail yet another thread.

Sorry ACS

 

Wouldn't spend half of it on Newcastle United. Why? Because I'd be giving Mike Ashley money. I don't shop at Sports Direct for the same reason. If I want a cheap tracksuit, I'll go to Amazon. That's given me an idea - we should get the fans to somehow promote rival companies - Amazon, eBay, Pro-Direct Soccer, JD Sports, even fcking Asda.

I'd bet good money Amazon would happily put up the placards needed for free advertising.

 

Your av is one of the few pics where Pards isn't flashing his false Gnashers.

Maybe he didn't have them when that pic was taken.

 

False gnashers and false smile.

Pards oot!

 

If I had £500 million I wouldn't invest in a football club, on your plan I think you would be bust within 2 years, as brought up by t'others populist actions are all well and good but have no place in the real world of business.

 

Sack Alan Pardew, John Carver, Andy Woodman, Steve Stone, Wendy Taylor, Shola Ameobi and the entire box office staff. Transfer list the entire squad, apart from Fabricio Coloccini, Sylvain Marveaux and Hatem Ben Arfa. Buy the club out of its contracts with Wonga and Viagogo, rip down all of the Sports Direct signs and set about trying to find a couple of credible, moral sponsors who are willing to pay us actual money. Expand our scouting network to worldwide level, with concentrated efforts on Germany, Italy and Spain, targeting players who other clubs might actually want. I'd then spend the remaining three months of the season attempting to convince Frank de Boer to become our new manager, probably achieving very little bar multiple charges for harassment.

 

Sack Pardew - appoint a younger, better manager with more tactical nous and a better backroom staff throughout the levels to promote good passing football. Get rid of shola, Obertan, Taylor, Cisse, Amalfitano and Gosling. I would make £50 million available to the new manager to start with and promote the better youngsters through to the first team. I would then get rid of all the sports direct signs and restore the stadium to what it looked like before and rename one of the stands after Sir Bobby. I would then starting scouting around more countries in particular Belgium continuing to look for cheap gems. I would also put more time and money into developing sports centres and facilities around the area to get youngsters playing football and developing interest from a young age. It seems like we have missed out on local talent right from under our noses in the past. I would hope from then that over time the club would not need so much heavy investment and each transfer window would consist of boosting the squad if needs be.

 

^^^^^^

Well said that man.

Unfortunately I can't give you any rep at the moment.

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

 

Right, here goes...

Get rid of Pards and the coaching staff, except for Beardo. Invest heavily in the academy and reserve team set up.

Then...

Put Tash in charge of tactics and team selection. That's his love.
Put AB in charge of the academy and youth team development. He has a keen eye for the future stars and would really want them to progress.
Put Beardsley's Rancid Sack in charge of transfer dealings (including Shola's negotiations to plead for a contract extension - which I would sit in on to watch for a laugh). He has strong views on which kind of players are right for NUFC.
Put Jimmyileysbaldhead in charge of PR and communications. At least he'd make it fun - not like the doom and gloom we get whenever the club actually bothers to make an official announcement.
Put Keith Fit in charge of club policy, structure and dealing with authorities. He seems to have a good handle on all these things.
Put It's The Hope That kills in charge of club finances and reporting. Has shown a strong interest in ensuring finances are well managed and publicly visible.
Put ACS in charge of entertainment - we'd all love that!
Put JPF in charge of 'overseas talent scouting' - it will certainly keep him occupied in Amsterdam.
Put Lady-Eleanor in charge of negotiating sponsorship deals - she doesn't take any s***
Put enn-you-eff-see in charge of the official club website. He seems to have a knack for that stuff.
Put Geaordie Lass in the Fenn in charge of the club's image - she has high standards.
Put Boa in charge of half time 'motivational talks'. Well, I'm happy to give people development opportunities.


Sorry Hacky, no room in my new regime for a 'Head of the "bring back Alan Pardew" campaign'. Nothing personal

But I am open to suggestions for any other roles if other Not606 posters are interested in staking a claim.

 

A lot of hard work went into that Obi, but you didn't say what your role would be in the new set up.

The Treasurer?