OT- The witty ditty Xmas thread

Ok lads and lasses... there are quite a few cunning linguists out there so here be a thread for you to showcase your lyrical talents to rewrite all or part of a well known Christmas song in a comedic manner.
The subject can be anything you wish from Mackems to JFK... from Boa to Korton (see what I did there).
So over to you


Here's a top of the head rewrite of the Cliff Classic.... 'Mistletoe and wine'....

Christmas time
Poyet and Whine
Mackems bleating
It's conspiracy time

With smiles on our faces
We are happy mags
Just don't let them see
The state of these tags

 

There's tags to see? Well I neva!

 

Away they're in danger,
They're losing again
And poor Gus Poyet
Is going Insane
The stars from Saint James'
Look down from above,
Your about to drop
Can we give you a shove?

Lee Cattermole Lowing,
Cos he's just seen red,
And the mackems are knowing,
Its the refs fault instead.
Its all a conspiracy,
And its making them frown
Cos in May you'll see
That they're going down.

Merry New Year!!!

 

Bravo!

 

Very good.

 

Oh, l wish it could be three points every day
With the Toon Army singing, as the lads begin to play
Oh, l wish it could be three points every day
Let the goals rain down for Christmas.

 

take it .....

 

Bravo lady!

 

To the tune of Once in Royal David's City, and yes I know there was no own goal yesterday but it's over the season so far.

Once again at The Stadium of Light, the Mackems were watching s***e
Sending offs and own goals how their fans love to moan.
Wes Brown is a Saint, while Atkinson and others the fans love to hate.
Empty seats for all to see, while us Mags love taking the pee.

 

rep

 

Oh little town of Sunderland,
How loud we hear thee cry!
It disturbs our deep and dreamless sleep,
No matter how we try!
And in thy dark streets shineth,
The stadium of light,
Where the hopes and dreams of a better Mackem team,
Are dashed, because you're ****e!

For Gus was born of monkeys,
And has an ape-like brain.
So his tactics and poor selection picks,
Will lead you to defeat again.
O Mackem fans, together,
You make an amusing group,
Living in the glee, of distant past glories.
And you still dream of Yewrope.

O orange child of Sunderland,
There's hope for you, we pray.
cast out your gripes and horrid red stripes,
And from home run away.

We hear the christmas angels,
Laugh as loud as they can.
For, they've never seen - as there's never been,
A Mackem in Milan!

 

Superb

 

Poyet the monkey Mackem,
Had a very ape-like face,
And if you ever saw it,
You would say "it's a disgrace".
All of the other managers,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Ape-man,
Win at any football games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
"Poyet with your ape-man head,
Why don't you try another club instead"

Then all the managers loved him,
And they shouted out with glee,
"Poyet the ape-like manager,
It was a Mackem conspiracy!"

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

Just fantastic, highlighted line cracked me up. Damn you Obi, my cuppa is on the keyboard again

 

Tonight thank god it's them, instead of youuuuuuu.......

 

To the tune of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
At the Stadium of Light
From now on
Your safety will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the PL days gay
From now on
The big league will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days
happy golden days of yore
Dafty mackems we couldn't carealess about
Gather near the bottom once more

In 10 years you just might get promoted
If the Fates allow
Hang a monkey Gus upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

 

Some cracking stuff on here!

 

Thou shalt not eat or drink near the computer.

 

Feed them cheesy chips
Let them know it's giro time
Feed them cheesy chips
Let them know it's giro time again

 

To Silent Night...

Silent night
At the stadium of plight
All pink seats
A constant blight

Round in Pennywell
They all want a fight
Smelly hovels
They're high as a kite

Mackems at the bottom of the league
Mackems at the bottom of the league