....of Champions League football I thought I would have a go at the sort of fictional rubbish reporting that newspapers get up to regarding top sides so here goes. Southampton Chairman Nicola Cortese and his manager top coach Mauricio Pochettino are already looking ahead to next season's campaign in the Champions League. They have been monitoring the progress of a young player at Liverpool called Sturridge who they believe could be a possible understudy for Jay Rodrigues. Rumours on Merseyside are suggesting that Sturridge would welcome a move to the Saints as he sees it as the one opportunity he will have to keep his place in the England squad. Saints may make an offer of £2m in the January transfer window for Sturridge and it is believed that Liverpool may well be tempted by the offer as they are possibly short of cash and Saints may be prepared to loan Sturridge back to them for the remainder of the season. Sources in Liverpool are suggesting that Sturridge would be exited by such a move. There has been a rumour that Liverpool are hoping to sign Saints' misfit Uruguayan international Ramirez to play alongside Suarez. That deal it seems could involve Liverpool paying the Saints £10m plus Sturridge as a makeweight. Pochettino and Cortese have taken a good long look at the young English players at Chelsea and have concluded they have none. The only thing they have discussed is apparently the recruitment of Ashley Cole as a coach for their renowned Left Back Factory at Staplewood. Nearer to home Tottenham Hotspur are said to be worried about increasing interest in their promising young player Andros Townsend. Once Townsend was aware that the Saints were interested in signing him it is believed he has been pressurising the club for the move. A close friend of Townsend told a reporter for this paper that Andros was quite excited at the prospect of playing with Rodriguez and Lallana. Tottenham will do their best to hang on to their blossoming young star but the draw of playing for top club Southampton may just be too much for Townsend to resist. Watch this space. Cortese is known to have had his scouts monitoring Manchester United and has tabled a bid of £2m for Wellbeck. It has been suggested that Wellbeck played so well and enjoyed himself playing along side Rickie Lambert in the England team that he now sees Southampton as the club where his future lies. With Manchester United in upheaval and with their new manager struggling this is a move that could be on the cards. Especially as the owners have had to put in place a contingency plan in case they fail to qualify for the Champions League this season. With that looking exceedingly likely the possibility of money from a rich club like Southampton will be something the Glazers will not be able to ignore especially with the crippling debt that the club has at the moment. It looks as if Southampton's riches may well save them. That brings us to Arsenal where it is believed that Pochettino was keen to bring Theo and Alex back to the club. Both players are believed to be unhappy about the way their careers have developed under the coaching of Wenger that it is believed a move could be on the cards. Don't be surprised to see a much relieved pair of ex Saints graduates back in Southampton's colours come the end of January. The Saints didn't even bother looking at the Manchester City squad as they aren't interested in players who can't win away from home. Gosh this newspaper reporting malarkey is as easy as telling fairy stories to my grandchildren. I have now sent my CV of to The Sun, The Star, The Mirror, The Daily Express and Mail. I could become a famous sports reporter.
You know, only yesterday I was going to put out a request to some budding writer who might have the gall to write a piece that could turned into an article to compete with the utter claptrap that comes out of the sporting section of tabloid newspapers, and you've managed to get near to it, StG, without the slightest receipt of any guidelines. I think it's a little too fantastical at present, but if you could hone it to become realistic then we could be on to something. Perhaps even a series of articles that are just this side of believable, about the way Saints are looking to improve themselves by undermining their rivals. And make sure they're as arrogant and as disrespectful as f**k, so that glamour club fans can get a taste of what it is like to be on the receiving end of the same. We'll see if we can get Beddy to get them selected for NewsNow and who knows what might happen..? Seems like a whole load of fun to me.
What do you mean? Fantastical?? It's absurd to think we'd pay as much as £2m for Wellbeck! And why the successful £4m bid for Bale doesn't get a mention, I have no idea. Sorry Godders, you've erred on the side of safety with this report. Let yourself go a bit! The Mirror and the Sun might be interested in: Gerrard persuaded by smooth talking Lambert There is now a strong rumour that the Liverpool Press Conference called for tomorrow will be used to announce the shock departure of skipper Steven Gerrard. It has long been known that Gerrard is unhappy at the prospect of seeing out the final years of his career with a struggling Liverpool team. The Reds' second place in the Premier League is seen by most pundits as flattering for a team that consistently fails to impress. Gerrard is said to have been influenced by fellow Liverpudlian Rickie Lambert. Lambert joined up with the England squad yesterday and spent the evening talking with Gerrard. It is believed that he presented Gerrard with the Nicola Cortese "Welcome Pack" in which the diminutive Chairman of highly successful Southampton outlines his latest 5 year plan in which he expects total world domination for the club. Gerrard is reported to have tweeted that he is very excited at the prospect of joining a truly massive club. Neither Cortese nor manager Mauricio Pocchettino were available for comment, but in his latest press conference the manager did agree with a Sun reporter that Gerrard would be "handy cover should Steven Davis be injured". Like any new player at The St Mary's Theatre of Victory, Gerrard could expect to spend the first few months of his Southampton career playing with the Under 21's while being coached in the Southampton Way. He would be in good company as he would be joining new signings Cesc Fabregas and Wayne Rooney, both of whom bought themselves out of their contracts last month in order to "play for a club with real ambition".
If we wanted to improve our position and undermine our rivals then we should loan Osvaldo to a good club like Everton or West Brom so they can get results against our main competitors. Oh sorry, I forgot, Chelsea have already done that.
Ooh, that's tasty. Think we'll hold that back for a later edition, eh..? Gerrard's a bit old for us though, isn't he..?
Articles whose headlines are just..... ...half of the opening sentence. I don't like them. Even the ****test of the tabloids would come up with a rubbish pun.
