I thought this was a good and funny read... Last week the Premier League, the Football Association and the government announced an injection of £102m into grassroots football over the next three years, with the aim of improving facilities and increasing participation. Discussion about grassroots football often mentions "the community" and "the next generation", and where positive developments can be made to these valuable ends. But there is a more mundane side to the lowest level of the football pyramid. Every Sunday morning, thousands of amateur footballers battle against any combination of hangovers, dubious fitness levels and scandalous playing surfaces in a vain attempt to demonstrate that they've "still got it". While the skill levels will inevitably be lacking, one aspect of the Sunday League game is as strong as the top flight. English football, from top to bottom, has always been characterised by its intangible, unquantifiable qualities of spirit, passion, grit, determination and, less notably, "talking". Talking is easy. Not talking enough is generally agreed in Sunday League to be highly counter-productive. Players are urged before kick-off for "lots of talking", especially "back there". Not talking is an accusation that can only be levelled at a whole team, rather than an individual (unless it is the captain, who must shout indiscriminately for 90 minutes, for that is his job.) To avoid this indictment, a set of largely useless phrases has emerged, which can be called upon whenever necessary to punctuate a period of relative silence. Everyone knows them, everyone understands what they are vaguely supposed to mean, and almost nobody questions them. Clichéd as they are, many strained bellows you hear on a football pitch â "Man on!", "Out we go!", etc â are useful instructions. The following set of on-pitch rallying cries, however, deserve closer inspection: 1) "We've Gone Quiet" Going quiet, as highlighted earlier, is the sign of a malfunctioning team. No one is talking, which means they all might as well go home. A period of notable quietness is ended only when the captain draws everyone's attention to it: "Come on lads, we've gone quiet!". It can, at the shouter's discretion, be bookended with "...haven't we?", to offer the illusion of a debate where one is really not available. 2) "Straight In" A staple instruction that can be used only at a very specific moment â namely, the opponents kicking off the game. "Run after the ball!", this phrase demands, "Chase it when they kick it backwards!". Only the strikers need to do this, of course, and the moment quickly passes. Getting "straight in" is not a continuous requirement, but merely an opening gesture of intent, which is likely to be unfulfilled. It is often accompanied by a mindless, yet somehow entirely appropriate-feeling, clap of the hands. 3) "Two On The Edge" When a corner is awarded, it is everyone's job to pick up their man. One eagle-eyed player has the extra task of spotting a discrepancy in this complex marking system, in that there are two unattended opponents lumbering into the penalty area. In extreme circumstances, there may be "three on the edge" â an unthinkable catastrophe that is met with a suitably incredulous cry of "I've got three here!". The lack of concentration may be down to the defence's preoccupation with the big man, the lanky opposing centre-back/estate agent who has arrived with a look of great purpose from the back. 4) "All Day" An utterly irritating phrase (specifically designed to be so) used by smug opponents to declare your attacking efforts as weak and unlikely to succeed, even if repeated. Often said twice in quick succession â as a speculative effort flies into neighbouring allotments â to compound the humiliation. 5) "It's Still 0-0" Football is an overwhelmingly childish pursuit. Much of football supporting is based on schadenfreude and suffering the taunts, in return, when your own team is humbled. To combat this threat, some employ an overly defensive stance, hoping that an audible absence of pride will pre-empt any possible fall. And so, if a Sunday League team races into an early lead, one stern-faced, armband-toting try-hard will attempt to construct a parallel universe in which the game is, in fact, goalless. The job is not done, he insists â a point he may return to when the final score is 7-4 or something similarly amateur. 6) "Box 'Em In!" A cult classic, perhaps, which satisfies two fundamental criteria: 1) a laughable attempt at tactical insight, and 2) exclaimed almost instinctively, every single time. The ball goes out for an opposition throw-in, deep in their final third, and it is universally accepted that they do not have the adequate technical skills (or simply the upper-body strength) to play/hurl their way to safety. 7) "[Shirt Colour] Head on This!" Possibly the most pointless one of all. For the uninitiated, this cryptic command is for your teammates to meet an imminent opposition hoof with their head before the other lot can. No accuracy is necessary but congratulations are available for heading it really, really hard, straight back where it came from. "WELL UP!" you are told, with your name declared in full if the game is particularly tense. More forward-thinking Sunday league players concern themselves with the second ball, which is often simply another header. Third balls remain an untapped, bewildering resource, possibly due to Chaos Theory. 8) "Away!" Loosely translated as "Now look here, team-mate, I neither want nor trust you to play your way out of trouble. Please dispose of the ball as quickly and as far away as possible." Failure to do as directed leaves one open to castigation for "****ing about with it there," but this may be permitted if the player is in possession of a sufficient amount of... 9) "Time!" The ball drops from the air and a player finds himself in acres of space. Pointing this out to him might seem a good idea. It'll calm him down, allow him to get his head up and play a pass, rather than treat the ball like an unpinned grenade. However, when 10 other players scream "Time! Time!" in unison, it tends to have quite the opposite effect. The futility of the situation is laid bare when, after giving away possession easily, the player is offered a final, withering, retrospective observation: "You had time." 10) "Who's got tape?" The gold-dust of amateur football, despite being available in any hardware shop. As the sole provider of ankle-securing tape, once you declare and dispense it, you will never see it again. 11) "Ref! Ref! How long?" Usually asked by an overexcited player from the leading team, with surprising desperation. Whatever the answer, the player will always add about 10% on before relaying the revised figure to his teammates. 12) "Watch the short!" It is considered a cardinal sin to let an opposing Sunday League team pass a goal-kick out to a full-back. Precisely what sort of devastating attack an average Sunday League team are expected to be capable of, deep in their own half, with the ball at the feet of traditionally the least capable player in their ranks, is anyone's guess. Amateur-level goal-kicks, thumped aimlessly as far down the pitch as possible, often aren't a job for the goalkeeper. As the designated goal-kick taker for their sides, many Sunday league centre-halves can confirm that fetching a distant match ball in preparation for this moment is one of the more soul-destroying aspects of life at around 11am on every Sunday between September and May. 13) "One of you!" When a Sunday League midfield is so often instructed to "get a [insert team's shirt colour] head on this", you often witness an unsightly clash of [insert team's shirt colour]-clad bodies as they simultaneously attempt to perform their primary duty. It is left to a team-mate to helpfully point out that only one of them was required on the scene. 14) "Don't let it bounce!" A rare example of a phenomenon that afflicts a Premier League side just as much as it does your Sunday morning rabble. Letting the ball bounce, especially "back there", is traditionally asking for trouble. 15) "Where Was The Shout?" The ultimate act of Sunday league buck-passing. A player is unceremoniously dispossessed from behind, to howls of derision from his teammates. Accompanied by a despairing flap of the arms, the player begs of his colleagues: "Where was the shout?!" There wasn't one. Because they've gone quiet, haven't they? http://www.theguardian.com/sport/fo...ge-sunday-league-football?CMP=twt_gu#comments - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Anyone not heard of any of these? Or maybe you can think of others that should be on the list?
HOW IS HE REF !??........guaranteed, if your back four can scream this in perfect unison, the ref will blow for offside....
"You ****ing ****, I'm gonna smash your ****ing head in" - Is very popular and used by 22 players per game. Quite self explanatory really. Also "Where's the beer, **** the Oranges" - Very Popular Phrase Indeed.
"He doesn't want the ball" or "He doesn't have nothing" is a popular pair with the lads I play with, usually followed by the player it was aimed at scoring
16) "You've done him!" Usually shouted to one of the more skilful players when they're perceived to have beaten their man, and yet somehow not expected to be able to work this out for themselves. Whilst often intended to spur the attacker to bring the ball forwards, the shout usually has the effect of a) Making the attacker rush their pass or run in an effort to get away from the man they are supposed to have 'done', thus losing the ball; or b) Making the defender so incensed that they have been 'done' that they summon up untapped reserves of stamina, recover their position and invariably dispossess the attacker. 17) "Where's the movement?" Invariably shouted by a man who styles themselves as the midfield general (the Scholes / Lampard / Gerrard of their team depending on the team they support / hate). Apparently based on the assumption that positioning is not enough, and even when a player is in acres of space they need to be running like a headless chicken in order to deserve the ball. Usually only succeeds in tiring out the rest of the team, or causing all attacking players to run into the same space, thus herding themselves in a way a border collie could only dream of. 18) "To feet" Usually the counterpart to 17), and shouted by the more heavyset members of the team, whose own gravitational field makes them impossible to tackle, but likewise makes it impossible for them to show the type of movement demanded by the resident S/L/G of the team. Ironically enough, as soon as the player receives the ball they immediately become the S/L/G and begin demanding the rest of the team make the kind of movement they were unable to. Thus begging the question of what was the point of passing to them in the first place.
19) "It's over me" Usually shouted by the most hungover of the centre backs when a cross comes in. Apparently intended to act as a warning to the rest of the team that the ball has flown too far over his head for him to try and head it, it instead only serves to inform everyone that he's far too hungover, he's not going to try and play the ball at all for the rest of this attack, and to be honest he'd rather still be in bed with that dirty bird he picked up last night.
THEY'RE ARGUING LADS, WE'VE GOT 'EM Everytime one or two of their players disagreed over something, we'd still go on to lose 4 or 5 nil.
20) "CRUNCH HIM!" The only intelligible instruction uttered from the crowd, amongst all the effing and blinding, is the demand for the closest opposition player to the ball carrier to risk injury to himself and his opponent by recklessly throwing an appendage (usually the leg) into his opponent without any attempt to win possession, for the sadistic pleasure of the the spectators.
At kickoff: "watch the shot" Goalkicks: "its not going far is it lads" the ball then reaches the opposition keeper
mostly i've heard all of these but my favorite comes from my time as an aging superstar stuck on the bench. In short you know they type of game where you came for a fight, you expect a fight and you are waiting for it...... "all in!" subs and the 2 supporters and anyone who wants it piles in off the sideline...
One I hate that the Americans would use on our 5 aside team "hussle". (Presumably hustle?). "Hussle" appears to have no meaning that I could determine. It appears to be an empty filler word they yell at each other at random intervals. At first I thought it meant "get stuck in" or move it... but they always congratulate you with "good hussle" when you sub yourself off... which makes no sense. I take it hussle is the American sports equivalence of "uhhh... ummmm... or any other such nonsense filler word"
Glad I clicked on this, especially here in Cinci, the local sunday pub league games are filled with ex High School superstar warriors who were never good enough to go on to higher things and look to snap your ankles at any chance if you show you are better than them. Some good ones: Big Leg! ( Kick the ball as far down the field as possible) GIve it a ride! ( see above) Boot it! ( fully equipped with spurs) Banana kick! ( putting any sort of spin on the ball...... )
Also a necessity to shout "LEFT FOOT" when you kick it with your left, before it horribly spoons wide off your 50p foot.
STAND HIM UP! Instruction to the would be tackler not to foul his opponent and often used in conjuntion with 'Especially In there..!'
"We'll take that" Anytime someone shoots from anywhere around the outside of the 18....... Normally one flies in which then leads to the mocking of "we'll take that" ALL DAY!!!! Pick anything this could apply to and it is used here in the US.
i thought stand him up was what we did when we bascially block someone off.... mind you i have heard it for when a winger stops and the defender stands before he is sped past again... Its what one ref said to me when i poleaxed a guy by blocking his run.
