What do you call a scouser in a suit? The accused. Two men are walking down the street when one is attacked by a dog. The dog is mauling this poor guy and he looks helpless. However, the guy's companion, without any thought for his own safety, wrestles the dog off the man and after a brief struggle kills the dog. One of the bystanders to the incident happens to be a journalist who is humbled by the man's bravery and promises to make the story front page news. The man says they have just come back from the pub watching a football match and the journalist comes up with the initial headline of 'Heroic Man United fan saves friend'. "I'm not a Man United fan" says the man. The journalist comes up with the revised headline of 'Chelsea fan ignores own safety to save friend. "I'm not a Chelsea fan" says the man. "Who do you support?" asks the journalist. "Liverpool" says the man. Next morning, the headline reads 'Scouse hooligan slaughters beloved family pet'.
copper caught me climbing over the fence at anfield he said i'm sorry you'll have to watch the end of the match
Scousers daily prayer Our father, who are in prison Mother knows not his name Thy chavdom come, thy shoplifting be done, in JJB sports as it is in poundland Give us this day our welfare bread And forgive us our ASBO's as we happy slap those who give evidence against us And lead us not into employment But deliver free housing For thine is the chavdom The Burberry and the Blackberry For ever and ever Innit.
A Hull fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a goat and a dog. Soon, the goat starts looking really attractive to the Hull fan. However, whenever he approaches the goat the dog growls in a threatening manner. The Hull fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the goat only to find the dog growling at him. The Hull fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the goat only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the Hull fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The Hull fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?
If only you knew! That's almost a masterpiece and you don't even know it! The only things missing is a train packed full of women and children.
