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Newcastle United to sell Mike Ashley for £100m

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Shola's Concrete Boots, Jun 4, 2011.

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  1. Shola's Concrete Boots

    Shola's Concrete Boots Active Member

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    Newcastle United want to make football history by selling their chairman for £100m, writes Crispin Fisher.

    It is understood two newly promoted clubs have already expressed an interest in Ashley, who will be allowed to leave The Magpies in the summer if he can be squeezed through the doors at St James’s Park.

    Former billionaire Ashley is not impressed by the idea of being sold off. He said: “Some fans are so ungrateful, I’ve given this club blood, sweat and tears – and that was just by holding on to Joey Barton.”

    “I’m worth twice the £100m they want for me. If Ronaldo is worth £75m I’m almost three times the size of that skinny girl.”

    Newcastle fans have been quick to talk up Ashley’s credentials in order to attract a buyer. Out of Toon Fanzine editor Dale Pratt said: “Mike has got everything you would want from a chairman – cash, enthusiasm and very little common sense. Who wouldn’t want him?”

    Newly promoted Norwich City are rumoured to be keen on Ashley. Canaries fans are desperate to offload current chairman Delia Smith after her drunken rant in 2006.

    Fellow Premier League new boys Swansea are also looking to replace Huw Jenkins with a chairman who can shut the **** up for five minutes.

    But West Brom are currently favourites to land Ashley. It is understood the sports retail giant would prefer a move to a team with dark and white striped shirts because of their figure-enhancing qualities.

    Money from the sale will be reinvested in Newcastle’s ravaged infrastructure.

    Toilet paper will be reinstated in the female toilets at St James’s Park. But there are no plans to refurbish the disused trophy cabinet.
     
    #1
    Shola's Concrete Boots, Jun 4, 2011
  2. TheLittleGeordie

    TheLittleGeordie Active Member

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    <laugh> brilliant article, rep for you
     
    #2
    TheLittleGeordie, Jun 4, 2011
  3. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    Maybe liverpool will come in for him
     
    #3
    Gutierrez's Right Boot, Jun 4, 2011
  4. Highland Gunner

    Highland Gunner Member

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    Bravo, hate the F**Ker
     
    #4
    Highland Gunner, Jun 4, 2011
  5. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    If they're putting toilet paper in the Ladies I hope they're going to put some in the Gents too!
     
    #5
    Agent Bruce, Jun 4, 2011
  6. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Who in their right mind goes for a poo at the football!! <yikes>
     
    #6
    KingoStarr, Jun 4, 2011
  7. Highland Gunner

    Highland Gunner Member

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    the ref?
     
    #7
    Highland Gunner, Jun 4, 2011
  8. Chris.

    Chris. #bringbackchris

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    Even as a Liverpool fan, that made me laugh. <laugh>
     
    #8
    Chris., Jun 4, 2011
  9. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Tongue in cheek Kingo, tongue in cheek.
     
    #9
    Agent Bruce, Jun 4, 2011
  10. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    The ref does it on the pitch.
     
    #10
    Agent Bruce, Jun 4, 2011

  11. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    I know you were just messing I'm just throwing it out their (The statement not the poo) and finding any public dumpers we have on board ;)
     
    #11
    KingoStarr, Jun 4, 2011
  12. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Getting a bit quiet for dumpers now, it looks like most of them have hit the sack.
     
    #12
    Agent Bruce, Jun 4, 2011
  13. Shola's Concrete Boots

    Shola's Concrete Boots Active Member

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    haha
     
    #13
    Shola's Concrete Boots, Jun 4, 2011
  14. newcastleftw

    newcastleftw New Member

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    **** article
     
    #14
    newcastleftw, Jun 4, 2011
  15. Shola's Concrete Boots

    Shola's Concrete Boots Active Member

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    ^ **** head
     
    #15
    Shola's Concrete Boots, Jun 4, 2011
  16. Munstertoon

    Munstertoon Member

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    Funny....except Ashley isn't the Chairman of NUFC :emoticon-0101-sadsm
     
    #16
    Munstertoon, Jun 4, 2011
  17. Hatem Is A Geordie

    Hatem Is A Geordie Active Member

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    Cracking.
     
    #17
    Hatem Is A Geordie, Jun 4, 2011
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