After looking through the gossip and the latest news, or lack of it, I cant face another day of Boothroyd, DJ, uncle tom and the rest. So this is the thread with no theme, its a get it off ya chest thread, tell us a funny story, my favourite tell us about you, make us laugh, make us cry. Do anything you like but... IF YOU HAVE VIEWED IT YOU MUST COMMENT ON IT, NO EXCUSES MIND
About two years ago a good geordie mate of mine brought his son and two of his mates over to pattaya in thailand. We took them to some real sleazy places, and then decided to take them to an established lady boy bar, well the young lads were hammered and didn't have a clue. After they put their eyes back in, they thought they would show us their pulling power, and duely went about giving the katoeys all the patter, and one was sucessful, and was stood in the middle of the bar swapping tongues with him, and having a good old grope of these giant knockers. He couldn't understand why we were all stood pissing ourseves with laughter, as he had pulled a stunner and we had nowt. Anyhow he calmed down in a few days, just as well we stopped him or he would have had a big suprise. Think he's still traumatised poor ****er.
My mate finally having the bottle to come down the kamikaze water ride in florida getting to the bottom and proudly lifting & shaking his fists in the air in some form of celebratory ritual. Unfortunately his shorts had partially ripped and were wrapped around his neck. Many photos taken by startled onlookers. Made me laugh at the time
bloody hell i sat for 4 1/2 minutes listening to that and waited for the punchline? were's the rope.. anyhow just to cheer you up syd, this is a brave dog, please log in to view this image
at centreparks in nottingham when my son was about 10. took me to open air pool at top of dome and told me to go down water slide. did not like the look of it but son said dont worry, jut go look nd if you dont like dont go. I did but he had not told me that when you got to start the current took you, all way down head first, could not get me off after that, biggest kid in the place
Was visiting my eldest daughter and after a heavy night decided what I needed was a brew tto set me up for the day. I filled the kettle and put it on the gas then went to look at the news on the tv. A couple of minutes later the smoke alarm went off - it was an electric kettle! The kitchen was ablaze but we managed to put the flames out and there was very little damage except to the kettle. Somewhat shamefaced I slunk out to the shops to buy a new kettle. I've taken dogs abuse ever since but the good news is that whenever I visit I don't lift a finger and all food and drink is brought to me.
I reckon that tiger's pretty bright. Thinks 'I'll encourage this daft bugger a bit. Maybe he'll come back for more next year when I'm a teeny bit bigger. Dogburger!
I used to live in a bedsit when I was younger. After a heavy nights drinking, I got to the front door of the shared house to find I had lost my keys, my phone & wallet (pisshead!!!). Without my keys I couldn't get into the house or my room.* In my drunken wisdom I decided to break into the kitchen through a small window. After a lot of struggle I eventually got in. Knackered I decided to go to sleep on the kitchen top, don't ask me why!!* I awoke to a lady flat mate screaming at the top of her lungs. I checked to see if I was naked or had pissed myself!! Thankfully I was fully clothed and dry! Unfortunately i had turned the electric cooker on with my feet. This lit the chip pan which caught on fire. The kitchen was black, the soles of my shoes on fire!! I jumped down still pissed, bouncing around the kitchen trying to put my trainers out like a schizophrenic frog on acid!!* We eventually got the fire out. The kitchen was ****ed. I Had woken & nearly kilked my flat mates at stupid o'clock in the morning.....I was not my flat mates favourite person....but at least I woke up dry!!!!
I'll relay your kitchen fire story to my daughter in the hope she'll think better of me. I'm not holding my breath. Cheers.
Can't think of a single amusing "wot i done when pissed" story but in the sprit of Syd's directive to write something . . . My OH will be on TV mid June. She runs a gardening and cooking blog and the TV production outfit picked up on her for a one-off appearance in the cookery slot on the new Alan Titchmarsh series that will go out Fri nights 8 pm on ITV1 shortly. Her 3 minute segment is on June 17. TV chef Valentine Warner turned up at ours a few weeks ago along with a director/cameraman and a researcher. Really sound folks all of them and VW is great craic. His favourite recent moment happened while he was on the piss in Letterkenny, Co. Donegal a while back. On the way back from the pub in the wee hours, his drinking buddy stopped and turned to him. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, Val, but you are a real ****. Is that OK?!
Guy in a bad car accident and had his tackle sliced off ....... He would be getting £10,000 compen. Surgeon rang the guy to say there is a new technique and he could have a transplant, bigger and better, and it would cost £10,000 Guy said he would talk it over with his wife first. Surgeon rang the Guy back to ask if they had come to a decision. Yes he says .......... we're gonna get a new kitchen ...
A Geordie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in japan Yank says "You from round here, buddy?" "No," he replies, "newcastle" "What State's that in?" asks the Yank. "Pretty much the same as this f*ckin place !
