Your 5 untouchables?

Which 5 players must we keep at all costs this summer?

My 5 would be:

Cabaye- had a poor season but will come good again.
Krul- simply top drawer
Colo- I know he wants away but if I had my wish we would move heaven and earth to keep him
Sissoko- in the right position he will be our Viera
Taylor- a Geordie heart and we look more solid when he plays

If we got fantastic money for any other players I'd not be jumping off the Tyne Bridge if we cashed in.

 

Colo & Krul would be the only ones I would fight to keep.

The others I would listen to offers for if the price were right.

Only exception might have been Benni, but he is just so injury prone / unfit. If he could get himself properly fit then he'd be the third 'untouchable' for me.

 

Pardew
Ashley
Llambias
Shola
Jonas

 

Now that is closest to the actual truth, regardless of what we 'want'.

 

This is tough. We have to combine both last season and the season before to think about untouchables. Personally, purely for reputation, I would keep Cabaye. I think he's fundamental to us looking like a decent side to outsiders and, on his day, is a superb talent. Colo next because he's the only leader we have. Then Krul because replacing a 'keeper is not that easy and he seems to be getting better and better. Next up, Ben Arfa - if we are to progress, we need a game changer and he's the only one we have. Priority is getting and keeping him fit...then playing him in a working formation. Finally I would have to pick Steven Taylor. If we kept those two fit and at the back together, we have a chance of firming up the defence. Yes, there's better, but not in our price range. He gives his all and should be kept.

Beyond that, a lot of players are disposable. Cisse, Tiote, Santon are the three biggest names that need to shape up or be shipped out. If my first 5 or untouchable, then Gosling, Ameobi, Obertan, Jonas and Williamson are the 5 touchables.

 

I wouldn't touch any of them! Hopefully some other club will want to.

We could do a 'five for the price of three' special deal.

 

Here's my five.

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Liar. You touch Pards on a regular basis. Don't try and deny it!

 

Pardew
Colo
Krul
Cabaye
Benni
Pardew
Pardew

 

Is that a Mackem hand you're counting on!

 

Hang on are you calling me a mackem The lowest insult of all, you'd expect better from a jedi.

I simply couldn't fit them all in when ACS said only 5. Pardew, Pardew and Pardew are too important to our long term stability and plan for greatness

 

A Sunderland fan was taking me to task about the stereotyping of Mackem's penchant for "keeping it in the family".

"It's really not fair", he complained, "I can count the number of family members that I've actually had sex with on one hand."

"How many is that then?" I asked.

"Seven", he replied.

 

I thought you didn't take bait.

Let's just hope that between them, Pardew, Pardew and Pardew will be able to muster enough tactical awareness to improve on this season. Or will it just be three times as bad?

 

and he was cheating. He counted his uncle, brother, dad, cousin and grandad as one.

Oh hang on, it IS the same reason. Complicated these Mackem families are.

 

Sunderland.....the only place in the world where Father's Day cards are sold in packs of five.

 

Krul
Colo
Cabs
Tiote
Mapou

 

Krul
Debuchy (he will come good)
Colo
Mapou
Santon
Cabaye
Ben Arfa
Sissoko
Anita
Campbell
Cisse

Ok so i've cheated and named 11 untouchables

But those 11 are all a good age and will all get better (Colo aside as he is currently in his peak). Wholesale changes would destroy us this season, we need two strikers, one CB and one Winger. As long as those players signed are ready to be first team regulars (start 20-25 prem games) and not up and coming youngsters we'd have a very talented squad with a good balance not both with experienced and young players but also positionally. We wouldn't be overloaded or left short in any area for me.

Apologies for going slightly off topic but I started my list and then more and more players kept springing to mind that I'd be gutted if we lost

 

Yeah but you stooped below the line of acceptable.

I was ever so proud on Saturday when my 5 year old daughter asked what a dirty mackem was. The kids in the street had been talking and she had picked this up (kudos to the bloke along the street for bringing his up right). I took great delight in explaining to her the finer details. The missus looked at me as the little one ran off and said "honestly, will you never grow old of this rivalry?"

I'm suspicious of her now don't worry, I'll be watching her like a hawk. If she invites her sister round for a threesome, it'll be confirmed.

 

Quality. the question is, will you say no to that threesome?

 

Depends which sister................



No, incestuous relationships are just not for me Obi. Don't get wrong a couple of the sisters would get it, but not whilst banging the missus. I'm never going to heaven if this religious **** turns out to have some substance.