Will Fifa finally give up on there obsession with Spanish football?

So true or worse you want to talk

 

My missus used to do the pretending to sleep routine every time cos she couldny be arsed talkin to me when am drunk and she was sober.

 

They get their own back the next morning though and repeat the ****e you spouted the previous night

 

Lucky you, I didn't have a smoke, my phone is ****e and my missus was asleep. 3-1 to you.

 

It could be worse. My missus said to me yesterday "Get some wine on the way home, I think we should talk to each other more".

 

You know there's trouble brewing when you hear the dreaded "we have to talk"

 

Jesus ****

Nothing worse, man. Starts off OK, drifts on to her mentioning your apparent lack of respect/interest in her these days (yak yak, yadda yadda), becomes the same stories of her from primary school you've heard a million times then, as soon as you disagree with anything in the one-sided "talk" you've been having, you get pilloried for putting her down and having the arrogance to be right about something.

I'd rather spend half an hour being kicked in the nuts by a posse of sumo wrestlers wearing steel toe caps.

 

Serves you all ****ing right for settling down.

**** that pish.

 

How the **** do you know my wife so well?

 

Playing with fanny beats reach arounds to hard cocks anytime MD.

 

I'm not so sure these days.

A reacharound disnae keep annoying you for money 13 years later

 

.

 

Wouldnae know much about that SSK. Apart fae what ST showed me anyway.

 

Sorry to hear that, mate.

The other dreaded phrase that a wummin utters is "I've been thinking...". Oh ****. This is not gonny be good at all.

 

Or "I was in ... earlier today, and they have..."

Usually means by the weeks end your wallet will be lighter.

 

Or..."I was talking to the other mums outside the school".

Comparison hell.

 

Quite frankly anything they say is a precursor to them saying more bollocks.

Unless you're lucky enough to hear one of the following:

"D'ye know what? I've not tasted yer jizz in a few weeks - it'd be nice to feel that salty gloop wash down my gullet again"

"Champions League's on tonight. I'm really looking forward to it - I'll get the housework during the first half so you don't have to miss any of it."

 

Or when they bang on about such n' such's husband does/doesn't do that. Go ****in marry him and gies peace then ya boot.

 

Aye, getting to hear you have 'a complete lack of respect' for her, as she calls you a useless dickhead

 

Ye canny even pretend to be listening to them. The bitches cottoned onto that one and use it against us.

"Ye canny go to the pub. We're going to [place ye don't want to ****in go]. Remember?"
"Naw"
"Aye, ah told ye through the week."
"Ye did?"

Sneaky bastards.