I read it wrong when I posted it, I was thinking it meant all the players facing him in front of the tie. Then on reading your post I realised, either way I suppose
Am I a Good Citizen or What? Whilst strolling alongside the River Mersey this morning I saw a Muslim extremist slip from the riverbank and fall into the water . He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he had been carrying. If he didn't get help soon he'd surely drown. Being a responsible Brit, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Merseside Police, the Immigration Office and even the Mersey Rescue team. It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and no authority has yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted three stamps. Whilst strolling alongside the River Mersey this morning I saw a Muslim extremist slip from the riverbank and fall into the water . He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he had been carrying. If he didn't get help soon he'd surely drown. Being a responsible Brit, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Merseside Police, the Immigration Office and even the Mersey Rescue team. It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and no authority has yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted three stamps.
Test....Read to the end before making a judgement. This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line. *** THE SITUATION: *** You are in London . There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. *** THE TEST: *** Suddenly, you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar.... You suddenly realize who it is.... It's the Muslim Cleric, Abu Hamza, the one-eyed, hook handed Muslim who hates non-Muslims and wants the UK to become an Islamic state!! You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options: You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most despised, evil and powerful men! *** NOW THE QUESTION AND PLEASE GIVE AN HONEST ANSWER *** Would you select high contrast colour film or, would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He then advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them. There are two lessons here 1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
An oldie but goodie! Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the world looking for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey and hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. 2 weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and takes off Emile Heskey. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hi mum, guess what?" he says. " I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 and we won.Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me!" "Great" says him mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shotin the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time". The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry!" "Sorry !" says his mum, "Its your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"
STRACHANISMS 1 Gordon Strachan became well known for his humerous responses to reporters questions. Here's one. Reporter "Gordon , can we have a quick word please?" Strachan: "Velocity". (walks off)
Ron Atkinson was commenting on the amount of players that China would be able to chose from in upcoming tournaments. "I can't understand how the population keeps increasing in China" he said "They have the best contraception method in the world"......"Ugly women"
Abu- STRACHANISM 2 Reporter "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesborough were better than you today?" Strachan " What areas? Mainly that big green one out there".
Papiss Cisse fined for refusing to wear a shirt showing Newcastle club sponsor 'Wonga'. Initial fine £5000 rising to £47,987,654.99 if he doesn't pay by Friday.
Paul Gasgoigne has has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act and sent to an institution for ******s with no chance of recovery. "We're glad to have him back said a Tottenham Hotspur representative."
STRACHANISM 3 Reporter " Gordon, what will you take from today?" Strachan " I've got far more important things to think about! I've got a yoghurt to finish and the expiry date is today!"
Although Cisse has since apologised for not wearing the Wonga sponsored shirt or training properly, and has promised to give 1394% next season
STRACHANISM 4.Reporter "Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line up?" Strachan " Not telling you! Its a secret!"
Here's one for the Arsenal fans. Suarez tweets "I'm joining Arsenal" and then deletes it! Lucky for you I managed to grab a screenshot! https://pic.twitter.com/kB7xpz8fkw
STRACHANISM 5: Reporter " What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?" Strachan "I dont do impressions!"
STRACHANISM 6: Reporter "Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you're the right man to turn things round?" Strachan " No! I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless!"
Not really a joke but the first paragraph really amused me http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/other-sports/american-sports/rock-legend-rod-stewarts-son-2128947
