Did I do the right thing or was I selfish? - OT

BEFORE I START - Sorry for the lack of paragraphs and proper grammar, I've had a bit to drink, but I would appreciate some serious input, as this is just tearing me up inside. I really want some opinions. Also, this is not a drunken joke, I'm being serious in this thread, and I don't need people calling me a liar right now.

So basically, recently I was out walking between 2-4am, just frustrated at something and needing to clear my head. After about an hour and half just walking into random areas, I heard screaming and shouting.

At first I thought it was a bunch of drunken chavs carrying on, but when I looked around the corner, I saw this big lad smacking around this tiny lass.

At first I was a bit stunned because I was already emotional at something else and it took my brain a bit of time to adjust to what was going on.

At first I felt angry, and I wanted to run and kick the **** out the **** out of this bloke. This girl was no more than 5ft tall and he was a good 6ft 2/3, and he was smacking her around, grabbing her hair and punching her in her ribs.

But the rational side of my brain took charge, and I thought about my upcoming job, and thought "what if it ends up looking like a fight? I could lose my job".

After a while, the guy was dragging this girl across the ground, and was about to take her behind a hill, and it really did ****ing horrify me because I thought he was going to rape her. At this point I was just fueled with rage, and I really wanted to go over there, but by some miracle there was a guy coming along the street and he had a mobile, and we called the police. When we both went over to the girl, he ran away, and the police took the girl to safety.

What I want to know is -

Was I selfish in just thinking about myself in this case? It was my job opportunity and thinking about my own ambitions that stopped me helping this poor girl sooner. She was bruised and beaten, but we managed to help her before serious damage was done.

This has been playing on my mind for weeks, and I sometimes cannot sleep with this morale dilemma on my mind. Yes, calling the police is a good thing, but the girl suffered damage during the time the police got there, and I could have prevented it if I ran in to help, but It could have been dismissed as a fight if I did damage to him, rather than me just trying to protect someone, therefore I could have lost my job and my job opportunities for the future.

The NHS is strict as ****, and anything bad on your record can lead to dismissal.

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P.S. Note to the mods - I know we're being strict on OT threads, but I believe this one has the right to stay up for a few hours at least. I really need some input on this issue.

Also - There will be no legal issues with this thread being made. No confidential information is being shared, and I am not releasing info on the location, time and date. I had a call from the police who were going to have me as a witness, but told me that the case has been shut, and nothing more will be done.

 

With your healthy lifestyle and fitness program I'd have thought you'd have gone straight to the aid of the lady in distress.

At the end of the day you'd have saved the NHS the cost of treatment to her and that alone would have been a plus for you.

 

Don't want to jump the gun, but I have the feeling that you think I'm talking out of my arsehole AB.

I wont get angry at you, but this is a serious emotional thing for me, and if ever I needed someone to take me seriously, now is the time.

Seeing someone beaten and thinking someone is going to get raped is extremely upsetting, and on top of that feeling bad about yourself for not being able to help.

 

Not at all, but some things you just do instictively.

 

The problem is, I can't just react, I always think.

 

Heavy...

 

Calling the police was the most sensible thing, but you should have done something to try and stop the bloke imo, even if it was verbally

All hypothetical, of course and it's difficult to make fair judgments with hindsight, everything is different in that one moment. Don't over think things. Bottom line is you stopped a lot worse things happening to her and a lot of people would have turned a blind eye to it.

 

Tash this is a difficult one & I admire your honesty

I would say the incident is now over & you made a choice & now you learn from the circumstances.

My observation is never go out (esp at night) without a mobile phone .... had you had one you could have dialled 999 immediately & then shouted a warning to the bloke that the Police were on there way. Most blokes who beat women will leg it if they think they will be caught.

Now that the Police are involved, the girl would have been referred on for help, from the Women's safety team or Victim support, who will work work her on safety advice, if she wants it. If they were partners this could have happened behind closed doors & she may have been frightened to call them herself. So your actions in getting her help from the Police was great .... Well done.

In situations like this none of us know what we would do until faced with it. People have been killed intervening in these sort of things ... you would have had no idea if he was carrying a weapon ... so I would say carry a phone & dial 999 .... then issue a verbal warning

 

Tash, we all behave differently and there is no right or wrong answer.
I personally think you took the sensible approach.
I'd have been daft enough to wade in and would probably ve sucking soup through a straw now.

 

I think you did the right thing, while the lad was out of order, had you waded in you might have ended up in hospital. You and the lad did the right thing getting the Police.
I hope the girl get's help but most of all doesn't blame herself and goes back to the lad.

 

Rationally, you did the right thing. Rushing in might have got you a good beating as well as the girl. Take the job situation out of this.

 

Agree with everyone who posted. Calling the police first, and then keeping a close watch on things so that you don't lose sight of them would be the best thing to do, especially if we're unsure of the danger.


As for the part where "you getting into a fight" and worrying about your job is concerned... to be honest, I feel that that should be a non-factor in your decision making.

If you get into a fight to save somebody from getting raped, and your bosses probe, just explain to them what was happening and I'm sure they'll understand. It's a genuine emergency situation, and to put it simply, if it were them who needed help from you, would they have wanted you to turn a blind eye? Obviously not I would expect.


At the end of the day, if your bosses insist on firing you if that's the case, then I have to say so be it, you can't help it. I'd rather lose a job than to live my life with regret over choosing not to help someone in grave danger like that.

 

did you get a good look at him?u might know him .She said no xxxxx she said no

 

The problem is, how can someone take such a beating for so long? It might have been too late waiting for the police.

Running in, may have also meant that someone ends up in hospital or even worse.

The to remember here is, you are not in the wrong here, the cowardly bloke is. It wasn't your fault you were thrown into this predicament and its easy to pass judgement here, but you can never tell what you would do unless you're there.

I'd say stop thinking of iffs and buts...just be thankful it turned out the way it did

 

**Cliche ALERT**

They say in life, its not the things you do you regret, but the things you dont do.

 

I can't believe you even thought about it first. You should have instinctively done something to help the poor girl, even if it was just to shout at him to make your presence known, that alone would have probably made him run away.

 

I think you did the right thing. All kinds of crazy stuff will run through your head in a situation that will distract you to the point of madness, but it sounds like you remained level-headed and were prepared to act if it elevated. I agree with the advice to carry a mobile. And to be honest, it doesn't matter what size he was...dangerous is dangerous. In this day and age, you can't be too sure what the guy was carrying. I wouldn't lose any more sleep over it...the movies always make it look so easy, but reality is often much uglier. I bet the girl is happy that you did what you did. The alternative could have been much worse.

 

What would you have done Sid?

 

Something similar happened to me a long time ago, I just told the guy to leave the girl alone and he took one look and fled.

Not so very brave when they've got a guy facing them. Typical bullies, cowards!