Jokes That Never Get Old

A bloke on his way home from work in Newcastle comes to a deadhalt in traffic on City Road

and thinks to himself, Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks: "Officer what's the hold up?" The officer replies: "It's a Mackem, he's just so depressed about losing 5-1 to the lads and the prospect of winning **** all after gobbing off all november and december, he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him, his geordie mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a job, I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really?" says the executive "How much have you collected so far?".

"So far," replies the policeman

"Only about three hundred litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."


Yes , I know it's an old one , sorry if you already know this one.

Got more?

 

Tash...!

That joke never gets old...

 

Didn't see that coming, and I've heard various versions of that joke before.

 

A reporter from the Evening Chronicle was on the beach at Whitley Bay when he saw this big, vicious looking dog grab hold of a little girl.
As it was just about to savage her, a man ran over and grabbed the dog, he swung it around and slammed it into the rocks – killing the dog but ultimately saving the little girl from being savaged.

The reporter was so impressed with the man’s bravery, he ran over to thank him.
He told the man that he was a reporter and would like to put the story in the local paper with the headline – “Local hero saves girl’s life”.

The man who saved the girl agreed but had to inform him that he wasn’t a local but actually from S*nderland. The reporter said that’s OK and that he would run the story anyway.

The next day’s Chronicle came out and the story had made the front page – with the headline –

“Mackem B*astard Slays Family Pet”

 

5under1and

 

5under1and in Europe

 

Never heard that joke before.

 

A Geordie girl, a girl from Sunderland and a West Indian girl all give birth to boys at the same time in the same hospital. However, the nurses get the babies mixed up.

To sort it out they decide to ask the dads to pick their own child. They ask the Geordie first but he picks the black baby. The nurses argue with him that the baby can't possibly be his, but he replies, "I know that! One of the other two could be a Mackem and it just isn't worth the ****ing risk.


Or


Q: How many Sunderland fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows

 

Isn't it obvious that the baby with 3 arms and 13 toes will be the mackem!

 

They're class

 

Guys I need jokes not stuff that have actually happened