It was the second blow that did the most damage. Dill, off his face after Abers spliff, was struck by the landlady of the B&B for bringing a busload of rabble to her beloved B&B on the pretence of a bowls trip. Nursing a bloodied nose, he lay in the corner of the foyer as Ivor tried to smooth things over. âWeâre only here for a bit of fun, weâll be no problemâ said Ivor in liturgical tone. The landlady gave in and handed over 20 sets of keys. Chaos reigned as bags were thrown into rooms. Goodness knows who was sharing with who,. Who cared? Everyone just wanted to get to town. It was a motley but colourful crew that strolled down Friar Street. John Hughes, shielded by Aber and Sussex in their red tops led the way. Chico followed, drawing wolfwhistles from the local ladies. Dai still had his full Swans kit on, while Phil had Everton Blue and Thai Canary had a spanking new yellow top on. It was like a scene from âOne Flew Over the Cuckoos Nestâ. A breakaway group led by SA9 and comprising Ash, Aswan, Mr Gullible, bonyjack and Mabon had already gone into âThe Little Red Beaverâ a local strip Club. The cards school, comprising Swimaway, trundles left foot, VETCHETERIAN and swantastic had progressed from three card brag and strip poker to fancy their chances at the local casino. Swim, still only in his underpants, was initially refused entry, but Vetch threw him a vest and he was allowed in. The rest trailed John Hughes. âWhere are these Clubs then Johnny?â said Aber.âJust hereâ said John. They turned sharply into a darkened lane and at the far end was a little doorway. âThe Blue Oyster Clubâ was lit up above the doorway. âIâll be alright in here with my blue Everton top onâ said Phil. Johnny laughed. In he went, climbed the stairs and walked over to the bar âJohnnyâ shouted the barman âlovely to see you again, and fantastic to see youâve got so many friends. Is it the usual?â he said, lifting a Babycham from the top shelf. âAyeâ said Johnny âTheyâre not my friends, though. Theyâre a bunch of peg sellers off to Wembley. I hope they ****ing loseâ. âPleased to meet you guys. Iâm Ben. Ben Dover. Johnny told me all about you last year. He loves you really. Make yourselves at home â the first round is on the house!âThere was a loud cheer as Ben lifted 35 bottles of Babycham off the top shelf. âWhats this pissâ said Phil âIâm a real ale manâ. He looked around the Club and noticed there were quite a few American police men there. He thought he had better behave so sat down and necked the Babycham. Eight âChams later the boys were starting to get boisterous and knocked out a few songs. The Thai girls were going down a treat. Iâll rephrase that. The Thai Girls were proving popular with the locals and Johnny was starting to get jealous. He disappeared for a while and suddenly came in dressed in his American police uniform. âJeezazâ said Ivor âIâve had enough of this âIâm off for a slash. He went into the bogs, opened his fly and pointed Percy at the porcelain. Suddenly the Thai Girls strolled into the toilet and did exactly the same. Ivor left. He sat in the bar, traumatised. A non smoker, he lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Chico was proving quite a sensation. The tall handsome young Spaniard had about twenty young men around him. âThese lot must know theyâre footballâ said Dai. Being the ultimate professional Chico was only drinking coffee, and as he had a big game coming up had to leave early, with Dai accompanying him. âIâm the Swans number one fanâ Dai told the crowd âand Iâm looking after our top playerâ. With that Chicoâs admirers turned their attention to the Swans boys. Dill had arrived, nursing his broken nose and holding his mobile phone about two feet from his ear. âItâs ChicoTimeâ, said Dill âHeâs giving me a bollocking for leaving him in Swansea. Said heâs catching the train up tomorrow and heâs going to ban me for two weeks. Bastard.â Dill was not happy. He shared a few pints with Phil and Aber and all were now totally pissed. Johnny fancied his chances with the Thai Girls and disappeared into the toilets with one of them. He came back five minutes later looking shellshocked. The dance floor filled with American policeman, men dressed as Red Indians and the 606 crew with Musty, Lauds Gendros Jack, Yankee Jack , Thai Canary, Jager, Ivor, Dragon, FFS, SA9, Knackered, Norway Jack, neveroffsidereff, aberdude, Sussex Bluebird, stereo, jackb@astard, billybjack, Norwayjack and campionjack all strutting their stuff on the dancefloor. âY.M.C.Aâ belted through the speakers before the music slowed and to great cheers Max Boyce came on stage with local celebrity glamexile playing bass guitar in the background. âOggy, Oggy, Oggyâ shouted Max, this time he had a response âOi, Oi, Oiâ shouted the dancefloor. âI want to sing a special songâ, said Max,â because tonight has been a special night, so here we goâ âWe came to Reading early, and clambered off the bus Dill has had a bollocking, coz the landlady hated us Johnny took us to a Club, damn he had a nasty shock Because the gorgeous girl he tried to shag, had an eight inch cock, And we were singing, hymns and arias, land of my fathers, ar hyd a nos........ All of a sudden a fight started after one of the Red Indians groped Phils arse and mayhem broke out. Chairs, bottles and anything else flew through the air as punches were exchanged. A mass brawl ended with everyone thrown out, including Ivor and Terror who had been playing subbutteo in the back room. The 606 crowd sauntered back up Friar Street where they met Vetch and the glossy magazine boys who had been kicked out of âThe Little Red Beaverâ after bony and aswan were caught playing hoopla with a naked and excited Mr Gullible. They were soon joined by Swimaway, trundles left foot, VETCHETERIAN and swantastic who were hauled out of Aspers after Swimaway finally lost his pants in an ill advised bet. Phil and Knackered have been arrested after brawling with each other in the town centre and are spending the night in the local nick. Apart from that a drunk, but very happy bunch of 606âers strolled round Reading, looking for a curry house to end the night on a high.
Just posted this on Part 2 but I didn't want you to worry so................................ Just to let you know some bad news..... I had planned on a surprise visit with my countryman Breezy but we were out on the piss last night - good Canadian beer- and when we left the bar Breezy decided that he had to answer the call of mother nature so he stood next to a lampost - needed the light to find his thing - and started. Almost immediately his piss froze and he was instantly attached to the lampost by his piss which was attached to his willy. There was nothing I could do so I called the mounties - they always get their man-. When they arrived they took a look at breezy's predicament - and his problem- and said . " there's nothing for it we have to get out the chain saw and cut the urine stream coming from his appendage" At this point Breezy went ballistic and told them to fcuk off and that he was never coming back to Toronto. Well when the Mountie cut off the urine stream Breezy took off like a bat out of hell - the Mounty was concerned but felt better when I told him Breezy always does that when someone takes the piss out of him. Praying for Sunday!!
I hope you've brought something warm to wear boys as it bloody freezing up here today! Lots of brass monkeys looking for welders!
Hell when we picking up that Norway git, with the Snow shoes? Get on with it PGF, If I'm scraping with knickers, surely Norway should be refereeing........................
Norways in the Club I think - I've lost track of where everyone is at the minute Apologies if I have missed anyone!!
