The sign on the window says âNo alcohol permitted on football tripsâ. âWe are on a bowls tripâ says Dill âthats what I told our landlady in Readingâ. He opens his first can of the day. The ale starts to flow freely as we pass over the Ferry Bridge. A strong smell of ***s comes from the back of the bus, much to Ivors indignation, and Phil lets off another Bass fart. âWho are we picking up at Briton Ferry?â âIt says Stereo plus two on my listâ On jumps Stereo and jackb@stard, straight from a 12 hour shift in the steelworks. Behind them is a middle aged man with curly hair and a guitar. âWho the **** is thatâ says SA9, lifting his head from Playboy for the first time. Before anyone can reply, the curly haired lad jumps on the bus, punches the air and shouts âOggy, Oggy, Oggy..â â**** off Max, this is not an egg chasers trip!â says Phil. âSorry lads, I thought we were off to Twickersâ said Max. He tried to sit next to Phil, but soon moved to the back of the bus after another Bass fart. A few strums on the guitar and Max was away.. âWe are off to Wembley, to lift the Capital Cup, Chicoâs in the front seat, my pint is filling up, Things canât get any better, Iâve even got some porn, All I want to make my day, is a photo of Michel Vorm and we were singing, Hymns and Arias, Land of my fathers, Ar hyd y nosâ We travelled quickly on to Cardiff, everyone pleasantly getting drunk, a few ***s alight. The subbutteo competition was going well, although Ivor was annoying Terror by insisting the curtains were closed and nightlight put on, to simulate an evening match. âNext stop, Cardiff Airportâ announces Dill, âBut weâve got to wait two hours as there are several flights weâve got to wait for. â**** thatâ said Phil, âIâm going to the barâ. The bus emptied quicker than Legoland at 83 minutes as a mad dash was made to get some ale. Immediately there were problems. They only sold Brains. Phil complained to the barman and a brief scuffle broke out with a few chairs thrown. Despite Phils protests only Daaaaaark was available followed by a Claaaaaaarks pie. Meanwhile Dill was waiting in the terminal. One by one the planes came in and our overseas friends arrived. Musty and Lauds Gendros Jack from Oz, Yankee Jack from the USA and Thai Canary from ****it. There are two smart birds with Thai so Dill asks them if they want a ride. They giggled before confirming in broken English they love rides. The bus was getting fuller and more boisterous as we set off for Cardiff Gate services for our last pick up. Dai has finished his crossword and has joined in the subbutteo. Vetch is encouraging the Thai girls to take up cards, although noticeably they are now playing strip poker. Swimaway is sitting with only his pants left on and everyone is praying that he wins the next hand. We soon roll up at Cardiff Gate and on jump three lads in red Swans tops and new free red Cardiff City scarves - Sussex Blue Bird, Aberdude and a small gent with a pencil moustache. âUlloaâ says Dill, âFark offâ says Sussex. FFS winces as the gent passes him, but cannot say anything as his mouth restraint is still on. Sussex and Aber complain because there has been a cock up with their tops. âWe ordered red tops for the best team in Wales and they sent us your ****â they said. âNever mind, itâs worth the pain just to see you Jacks lose at Wembleyâ There are roars of good natured derision and banter as the Bluebirds make their way to some empty seats. âWhere are you going on holiday this year? Orlandi?â pipes up Knackered. The third man remained silent but after 10 minutes of derision he could contain himself no longer âYou ****ing pikey peg sellers are going to lose and Iâm gonna piss in your beer on the way homeâ There was a stunned silence before Sussex shouted âShut the **** up John, we only brought you because you keep on telling us about the best clubs in Readingâ. With that all hell let loose âItâs John Hughesâ said Dai. There was a huge scream from the front of the bus as FFS powered through his restraints and grabbed Hughes by the balls. Hughes managed to break free and Phil, swim and SA9, still reading his mag, sat on FFS to control him. For his own safety Johnny is locked in the toilets. Semi-normality resumed as we head up the M4. Aber now sits in the front with Dill while Phil still sits on FFS. Aber rolls a spliff and gives Dill a drag. âWowâ said Dill âI havenât had one of these in years. Roll me a 6 incherâ. Aber spends the next 10 minutes creating a massive spliff and Dill looks on in earnest, while still trying to get his first answer in the Western Mail crossword. âAnd when youâve finished that I wouldnât mind a tattoo like the one youâve gotâ Vetch and Billybjack are entertaining the Thai girls. The glossy mags are not so glossy. Ivor is 6-0 up in subbuteo, everyone is drinking Mustys Fosters as he has been converted to Daaaaaaaaark. Johnny is still in the bogs. âWeâre one hour, seven minutes and 27 seconds from Readingâ announces Jager. All seems well.
I tell you what PGF carry on round the M25 and I will meet you at South Mimms services if you are still talking to each other by then
Robin Williams can play me!............ PGF what you drinking these days, my what imagination, though you left out the bit where we picked up Norway at the services east of Reading, and had trouble getting him on the coach due to his snow shoes, and how we couldn't convince the bugger to take them off, as he felt sure we were due a snow blizzard at Wembley, so we had to sit him near the front opening windows, with his snow shoes sticking out the window, needless to say we all froze in the back of the bus, and Dai kept on about how he thought Norway looked so much like Jinx, that he must be his brother, and that would account for all the inside information we were getting from him!! .......................
We haven't got anywhere near Reading yet Phil that's why we haven't picked Norway up yet Now be a good boy and go to the back of the bus and sit by your best mate Aussie
PGF, you got something wrong. I smoke like a trooper, so I was probably the one creating the smoke!! Oh, I also had Subbuteo but preferred the Newfooty version - better nets.
Just to let you know some bad news..... I had planned on a surprise visit with my countryman Breezy but we were out on the piss last night - good Canadian beer- and when we left the bar Breezy decided that he had to answer the call of mother nature so he stood next to a lampost - needed the light to find his thing - and started. Almost immediately his piss froze and he was instantly attached to the lampost by his piss which was attached to his willy. There was nothing I could do so I called the mounties - they always get their man-. When they arrived they took a look at breezy's predicament - and his problem- and said . " there's nothing for it we have to get out the chain saw and cut the urine stream coming from his appendage" At this point Breezy went ballistic and told them to fcuk off and that he was never coming back to Toronto. Well when the Mountie cut off the urine stream Breezy took off like a bat out of hell - the Mounty was concerned but felt better when I told him Breezy always does that when someone takes the piss out of him. Praying for Sunday!!
Just reading through these - some of the best posts ever put up here, on any board Wonder if we'll see some cameos from the old 606, 2 Bradford posters I remember well were Bradford Boy and MrsL (who used to sign off every post "kisses")
