The Things Pardew Could Say/Dance/Sing To Mike To Keep His Job Thread

What do you think Pardew could say to convince Ashley that he's still the man to take us forward? What could he dance? What could he sing? If Glee has taught us anything (FYI I'm not sure there's much that can be learned from a physical and emotional state of perpetual happiness, nevermind the seemingly chemical induced buzz the 46 year-olds pretending to be 15 year-olds (but remember, it's a disgusting crime to find youths sexy, even if they are secretly sexy 42 year olds) seem to experience on that show), it's that anybody who's pure of heart and kind of... Oh f*** it... you get the inane drift...


Rep will be awarded on the basis of the following:
1. The most humourous
2. The most intelligent
3. The most disturbing
4. The most Katmandu
5. The most inspiring
6. The best use of a guitar solo
7. The best use of Sweden
8. The most likely

 

I'll go for "This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us" by Sparks...

Followed by the theme tune to M.A.S.H. "Suicide is Painless" as an encore.

Both performed whilst bogling... In a nappie.

Frankly Colo should insist on it formally during their meeting tomorrow as a condition of his stay.

 

I might have to award extra points for trying to hit all the targets!

 

Because of you by Kelly Clarkson










for obvious reasons

 

He should tell mike he can still bring more to the party...

Then burst into the Brent dance whilst humming nananananana nananananana... Whilst at the same time juggling 3 of the fat man's pies with a vuvuzela up his arse for good measure

 

Maybe the song "Wasn't it good but its over now" in the back ground

 

He could sing Meatloaf's "two out of three ain't bad"



Where the list of requirements are:

1. Looks sexy in specs and shags players' wives
2. Makes up excuses to defend the board
3. Is a great manager who can get the team playing great football and winning games




Ooooh I'm feeling mean today.

 

"If you sack me you'll never get your gambling debt back."

"If you sack me after giving me an eight year contract to maintain stability you'll look like a big knob"

"Honestly Mike it's not the players, the players are great, and the tactics, the tactics are fine, it's the fans, we need new fans Mike."

"Who the **** else would work for you Mike?"

"Listen Mike, it's me who gets the best out of Cisse every week - no one else could."

"Would it help if I got Sportsdirect.com tatooed above my knob - that way I'd be promoting your company every time I saw a players wife"

 

I think serenading him is definitely the way to go.

Given our defensive suicide all season, a bit of Leonard Cohen is in order for me.

[video=youtube;iW8rFho6In8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW8rFho6In8[/video]

Or maybe try to humour him?

[video=youtube;WNyA8vN3JZc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNyA8vN3JZc[/video]

Or maybe try to exude confidence?

[video=youtube;glZ0T7peyhU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glZ0T7peyhU[/video]

 

How about Beggin' by Madcon.


Underdog by Kasabian keeps coming to mind though!

 

If Mike does sack him, I can see Derek doing this:
"If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest Pard of me,
woohoohoo no, no, baby please don't go.
Woohoohoo now, now, I just want you to pay!"

 

Parting is such sweet sorrow ?
PARDEW is such sweet sorrow

 

Pardew.......Never let me go, Florence and the machine

Ashley......My Prerogative, Bobby Brown.

Gus Poyet was suggested as a Manager replacement, so two birds with one stone (Magpies/Seagulls) (Gandalfs guitar solo request)
Brighton Rock by Queen!

 

Top effort lads and lasses. REP all around I think

If I was Pardew... To Ashley I'd say:

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." #Gandalfbaby

To Colo:

"I can't carry it (personal problems) for your Mr Colo, BUT I CAN CARRY YOU!!!" #SamwiseTashgasm

To the fans:

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens" #Gimli'sobviouslyneversupportedtheToon


And then I'd unleash this---

[video=youtube;gkbUr2rMSsk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkbUr2rMSsk[/video]

Is it bad that he'd have my full support again if this happened? Like we don't require a manager but some form of suit-wearing jester...

 

Our inability to actually strengthen the team brings this oldie to mind...
[video=youtube;ElLpKewnxp4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElLpKewnxp4[/video]

 

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