Gandalf's Alternative Commentary Thread QPR vs Spurs

55th minute: Mbia is such a powerful runner. The classic image of Jonah Lomu with half the England team hanging off him comes to mind...

Unfortunately QPR obviously lack quality around him.

Dembele fells a QPR man.. who lays there spread-eagled... I was concerned even the QPR defenders like him were falling asleep for a second!

 

60th minute: Papiss Cisse's evil twin Djibrial is warming up. I expect he won't come on for a defender

 

65th minute: Tar-a-bat robs Naughton, beats one, surges into the penalty area, then is chased all the way back out when the pass was on. One can only fathom Harry's offered to stop propositioning him if it ends 0-0.

 

70th minute: Clint comes on. Meanwhile, Probert-bot is flailing his mechanical arms for the first time this afternoon to show Mbia a booking for grappling with some Spurs player (rapidly losing the few caring tosses I had)... Mbia protests a little, but Probert-bot can't process emotion.

 

73rd minute: The best bit of football of the game sees the rubbish Da Silva lob a Spurs player, flick it into a QPR player, who reverses the pass and sends the rubbish Da Silva clear... However, I don't give players nicknames for no reason, and he fully lives up to his rubbish name with a terrible prodded effort beyond Mackie.

 

75th minute: Think somebody has messed about with Probert-bots setting here... Tar-a-bat steams in studs up on another Spurs player, but the cold robotic presence can only indicate a foul, in binary the way some of them are looking at him.

Shaun Wright-Phillips almost released... But Lloris races out to hoof it away. People have paid money to watch this... Suppose 90 minutes is shorter than the trip to Switzerland...

 

82nd minute: Probert-bot indicates another free-kick to Spurs wide left about 45 yards out... He's pointing at someone with furious intent. Must be Jamie Mackie, who Probert-bot has traveled back in time to stop leading the revolution and saving QPR.

 

Gotta say, it seems to me like you're missing a trick by not just calling him Probot.

Kudos for highlighting the less-**** parts of the game for us though

 

85th minute: THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE!!! No, nobody's scored. Don't be silly... But Mbia, clearly offside but running through on goal, is caressed by Lloris which leads to a rather eccentric performance. I stopped counting at 8 rolls.

He might have been hurt, touches like that are typical of how they make love in France, the only game they play to win in that country... But he's up, and looking none the worse for his appalling acting reception. Brush it off son.

 

I did consider that, what feels like a few hours ago, but decided my way sounded more like Pro-bot-bot, and with infantile humour being all I have to cling to at the moment (there being nobody of even barely arousing state, and no danger of a football match breaking out). Hope Newcastle vs Norwich is better!

 

90th minute: Thankfully Probert-bot was merciful and added little added time. 0-0. Tar-a-bat escapes punishment in the showers, Villas Boas steps over the banana -skin, and the spoils are shared.

 

Good work Gandalf

 

wish I had seen this earlier ... will you be doing one for the matches tomorrow ?

 

Anything for you minxy Hopefully the games tomorrow are a bit better!

 

have certainly been some poor ones today

Rep btw

 

I watched the first half of Madrid vs Osasuna... Surprise surprise it was a pretty drab 0-0, though Osasuna's goalie is clearly mental and kept rushing out... I couldn't take it anymore so watched the SA vs NZ test match we had on the planner! I bet the Mardid game ended 5-5

Thanks Minxy

 

I'm trying to convince him to set up a live text website as an alternative to BBC's drab live text commentary! These are hilarious

 

Yes, he should do this! Or at least post on here for each game.

 

They are brilliant ... will certainly be watching out for them now

 

Yeah, we can't figure out how to set up a website like that