My racing snail's not winning races any more so i decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic, it didn't work, in fact if anything.... it made him a bit more sluggish!!!
3 elderly football fans in Church one day one Arsenal, one Spurs and one Liverpool. The Arsenal fan approaches the priest first. "Father can you ask god when we'll next win a trophy". After a pause the priest replies "god says in 2 years". The arsenal fan sighs "I'll be dead by then" and walks out. Next the Spurs fan approaches the priest "Father can you ask god when we'll win the Champions League" After a pause the priest replies "god says in 10 years". The Spurs fan sighs "I'll be dead by then" and walks out. Finally the Liverpool fan approaches the priest. "Father can you ask god when Liverpool will next win the Premier League". Following a very long pause the priest replies "God says he'll be dead by then" As the coffin was lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The vicar smiles leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "too late pal the paperworks already done"
A Liverpool fan dies and goes up to the pearly gates. St Peter says "sorry mate - god hates scousers so you can't come in" "Give me a chance - when I was on earth I donated £1 million to the starving in Africa, £1million to orphans in England and £1 million to help cats and dogs" says the man. "Fair enough - let me see if we can do soemthing for you" says St Peter. 10 minutes later St peter comes back - "right, I've had a word with God and he said here's your 3 million quid back - now **** off".
Absolutely nothing to do with humour, in fact the exact opposite, but did not feel like opening thread on it! Found these videos really interesting, and certainly corrected a few misconceptions I had had... http://www.aol.com/video/the-execut...ng-grid7|maing9|video-module|sec2_lnk1|214848
Amazing stuff. I read a report of deaths during WW2. It has the number at 56,000,000. Of these, the USSR lost an incredible 21,000,000.
Knew more-or-less the total figure, but the number of Soviet deaths is astounding. OK, back to what this thread is all about, anyone got a good joke, mine are all too old for this thread!
Not sure whether this has made it onto here yet but it needs watching. Brilliant. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AXgGuInYOY&sns=tw
Take a look at the QPR section of the football forum and the thread 'heres a joke for you all' by kiwiqpr............ Oh my Gawd, might be close to the bottom of the league in jokes too! Didn't know the R's had a Kiwi fan..........probably the only one left? please log in to view this image
I've started watching "Not Going Out" and there was a good one in it last night: "You'd lose face faster than the A-team in a maze"
Some cracking jokes on there Jong, only got to page 3 but will get back to it tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up mate.
Lifted without shame from the QPR thread: I was watching an 18-rated film with my little son last night. He said,"Dad, I'm getting scared - Is that lady going to die?" I replied,"probably son, judging by the size of that horses cock!"
