Well its been a while since i last wrote some utter nonsense so thought i should.. I went to a gig at the O2 last night, When going for a piss for the second time i realised I was stood in the same place as i had the first time.. the Loo's were the size of an apartment and empty, each and every time i went for a piss I used the same spot.. Which got me thinking is there an optimum position in the urinals when in a club or pub... So i have come to the conclusion, having seriously analyzed my urinal usage and i appear to always use a position furthest from the entrance to the toilets.. usually in a corner thusly minimising splash back.. Am i weird or do others have a preferred position when using the urinals??
You're just taking the piss now.. So you dont get annoyed, when walking into the toilet at a three space urinal, someone has the audacity to just stand in the middle of said urinal thusly meaning you have to huddle up next to said person and suffer their splash back.. then spend the next ten mins scrubbing your hands..
I avoid this situation wherever possible. I'd rather wait or, preferrably, go into a cubicle than suffer the hassle of standing shoulder to shoulder and having cock lock. I love pissing at Old Trafford, you wait your turn, squeeze in and then can't piss as the person behind is stood two inches away breathing down your neck. Then turning bright purple while attempting to force the piss out of by now totally closed up dick. ****ing loves it.
I ****ing hate that.. nothing worse than a bout of can't piss won't piss.. how long do you give it before giving up?? I often find if i close my eyes and think of england it helps... or focus on the standard wiped bogey on the wall in front of said urinal..
I'm 26 years of age and still, when I'm in the bogs of a slightly less classy drinking pit, I will see how high my piss can go. Without chalking up my score like I did as a teen.
You guys are so uncivilized on that side of the pond. Here in the states there's an unspoken set of rules for urinal usage. 1. Eyes forward. 2. No talking. Ever. 3. Always keep an unoccupied urinal between you and the closest person. So if there were 5 urinals in one bathroom, there's only 3 pee stations. The other two are more or less invisible barriers to keep space. The sooner you learn this, the better.
Talking while pissing is odd, though often takes place when one of the patrons at said urinal also passes wind while doing so.. As it will illicit comments as to squeaky floor boards or indeed giving said wind a rating out of ten..
Pretty much standard practice in more civilized places, but no chance at crowded football matches. Social norms suggest that you take the furthest available urinal!
What bothers me is that whenever I piss after a few beers, no matter how many times i shake it, wipe it, do the helicopter with it, hold it under the handdrier (or even those fancy new Dyson Airblades), the last bit always, ALWAYS goes down my leg. Never happens at home, where i often like to treat myself to a lazy sit-down wee.
I'm quite partial to treating myself to a sit down wee at home, especially one of those middle of the night half asleep type affairs..
PMK, I will take your advice on board. This is a v serious problem though . I have some special silky pulling boxers, when the ladies see them they appreciate that I am a man who takes care of his love truncheon and that they are in for a bit of a treat (sometimes i ron them before i put them on, just to heat the fat lad up a bit - i'm considerate like that). When it happens when I'm wearing them, they do not absorb the spillage and leaves my upper thight wet and uncomfortable. It pisses me right off it does.
"Am i weird or do others have a preferred position when using the urinals??" I suggest you never attempt urinating while doing a handstand! You can have that advice for free!
