Crouchie is getting his own TV show called imaginatively 'On the couch with Peter Crouch'. As a little sideline imagine any QPR player being given his own show, what similar style of title would we give it? My starter for ten would be 'On the pisse with Djibril Cisse'... Over to you lot...
Baking Rolls with Stan Bowles A trip to Abergvenny with Paddy Kenny Let's soar away with Armand Traore ( flying lessons for beginners) Look after your placcie with Jamie Mackie ( credit card fraud advice) Running around in pointless circles with Shaun Wright Phillips
Lots of spare time with Rowan Vine Does this look tacky with Jamie Mackie After a fall with Fitz Hall
My favorite book with Lee Cook How to make a perfect flan with Patrick Agyemang Jackanory with Alessandro Pellicori
Base jumping with Faurlin, made me chuckle. Magic Hatabout - Kevin Gallen Cock of the week - Joey Barton Top Gear - Paddy Kenny, with special guests Mark Bosnich and Adrian Mutu (£2.75) Million Pound Dropout - Mike Sheron
101 World Dances with Gerry Francis Cooking Haddocks with Danny Maddix 50 Welsh Stews with Mark Hughes Let's study Larks with Phil Parkes Mixing Cocktails with Clarke Carlisle Scores on the Doors with Ian Dawes 7 days in St Swithens with Don Givens
Jokes and Larks with Phillip Parkes Questions and Answers with Gerry Francis On the Ferry with Shaun Derry The London Scene with Robert Green "What's In The Cannister?" with Gary Bannister Spend a While with Clarke Carlisle Low Cost Whores with Ian Dawes A Dance And A Song with Paul Furlong Life's a Beach with Mick Leach Nice and Steady with Karl Ready A Tour of the Lowlands with Martin Rowlands
In the style of 5 Shades of Grey (which I HAVEN'T read, honest!) Something tacky by Jamie Mackie Go obscene with Robert Green Spend a penny on Paddy Kenny Swallow my tongue with Luke Young Whipping Laura by Bobby Zamora Dressed to kill with Clint Hill Black leather will do her by Nedum Onuoha
Waxing your moustache with Rodney Marsh Breaking new bands with Les Ferdinand Dredlocking your hair with Trevor Sinclair
Dressing skimpy with Andy Impey. Smoking wacky tobaccy with Akos Buszaky. Erm... Speaking Farsi with Nigel Quashie? Sorry.