Haha, who makes this ****e up? Germany has upset animal rights activists with its latest attempts to predict the outcome of Euro 2012. Two years after the death of popular pundit Paul the octopus, a range of pets are now being deployed to "predict" which football team will win. However, Yvonne the cow, Kasimir the alpaca and Xaver the bulldog have upset German animal rights activists. The country's Tierschutzbund group said it was worried animal oracles had been overused during the tournament. Television and radio stations across the country have been employing animals to predict results in the tournament, with varying degrees of success. Marius Tunte of Tierschutzbund told the BBC: "These days, everybody who has an animal seems to put it in front of a camera. "Every station has its own animal." The group said the use of animals as psychics threatened the dignity of the creatures. Stephen Evans, the BBC's Berlin correspondent, said Tierschutzbund took particular exception to an internet radio station which used a python called Ado. The snake was offered the choice of two rats, one with a stripe representing Germany and the other without a stripe representing Denmark. The agency said: "Unnecessary suffering is being inflicted purely for the sake of enjoyment." Yvonne the cow has made a name for herself by managing to predict the loser as the winner. Other animals hitting the headlines include Emma the pig, Ferret and Mormel the Otters, and Traudl the goat, who has landed a job at a Bavarian radio station.
Neither will amount to anything...That kid on the right is to small to make to it, mark my words, he'll just be another flash in the pan. Lucky to get a contract at Berwick Rangers.
A BURGLAR kicked down the door at a sleeping 93-year-old woman’s home so he could steal her TV. The terrified pensioner, who lives alone, was woken by the noise of the late-night raid and realised a light had been switched on inside her house. Newcastle Crown Court heard the victim shouted out when she realised somebody was there, but then stayed in her bedroom until help arrived from her daughter and a neighbour who had heard what was going on. By then serial raider David Hill had fled the house in Concord, Washington, leaving the front door off its hinges. Prosecutor Emma Dowling said: “They could see the front door had been completely kicked off its hinges and went into the living room where they could see the television and remote control were missing. “They went straight up to check on the victim, who was in her bedroom.” A footprint left on the front door was matched to Hill’s shoes after the break-in last month, and he admitted burglary. Judge Paul Sloan QC jailed the 38-year-old, of Stoneycroft, Albany, Washington, for three years and four months. The judge said: “You forced entry to the property by kicking the front door completely off its hinges and in doing so you disturbed the victim, who was asleep. “The victim’s statement makes it clear that as a result of this offence, she has had a great deal of trouble sleeping at night, in her own home, in her own bed. This offence has had a lasting effect on her.” The court heard the victim’s daughter told police her “stomach churns” every time she thinks about her mum being alone in the house when the burglar burst in. The daughter told police the raid has had a significant impact on her elderly mum, who now has great problems sleeping. She said: “She lies awake listening for noises in case the burglars come back.” Hill told police he has just a “hazy recollection” of what he did due to his drug-fuelled state, but remembered seeing that the house was in darkness and the bedroom curtains were drawn. Miss Dowling added: “He said he kicked the door in and took the TV. He said his intention in taking it would have been to sell it on and he thought he would get about £50 for it.” Hill asked for four further house burglaries, three attempted burglaries and one theft, all committed around the same area at around the same time, to be taken into consideration. Jamie Adams, defending, said Hill, who has a long history of addiction and convictions for 88 previous offences, did not know the house belonged to a 93-year-old when he targeted it. Mr Adams said: “He felt really quite physically sick at the thought of it. It is important that is said in public. “If the woman hears about it or reads about it, it would be as well for her to know he is remorseful about it and he does not want her to worry in future, though obviously she’s going to because of this.”
One for the dog lovers.. COVERED in petrol and barely able to stand, Lucky was left for dead on the doorstep of a dog kennels. Staff at Cleadon Kennels said the discovery left them horrified, as the scale of cruelty to innocent animals continues to rise. The once-cute collie-lurcher cross was found covered in scabs, fading patches of fur and had bones protruding from her skin. A vet’s examination revealed Lucky is suffering from severe chemical burns. And as a result all of her fur will fall out and is unlikely to grow back. “She is absolutely wrecked, underweight, covered in scabs and scratches and is filthy,” said kennels manager Sarah Wilkinson. “She was covered from top to bottom in petrol, and had been left tied to the fence with a piece of rope that was so long she could have ran into the busy road.” She added: “We see some things here, but this is by far the worst. “We’ve never come across someone who has tried to set fire to a dog before. “We’re noticing a more and more disturbing level of cruelty and suffering being inflicted on dogs and it really is becoming a huge problem.” Overnight on Tuesday, the kennel owners, who live on the site, were woken by the sound of their two German Shepherds that guard the gate. Heidi Carr went to see what the noise was and discovered the distressed dog tied to the fence. “Heidi is still really distressed by it,” Sarah said. “We don’t know how anyone can do something like this, it’s awful.” Lucky, who was given the name by kennels staff after being dealt a second chance in life and surviving her ordeal, has been given cream for her skin and antibiotics. And her plight has already stolen the heart of the vet’s nurse who treated her, who is hoping to give Lucky a home once she heals. Sarah said: “Considering everything she has been through, she’s taking everything in her stride and is doing really well. She’s so sweet-natured. “We don’t usually have dogs dumped on us like this and we want to remind people there are 24 hour dog wardens that work across the region.” The kennels has seen a rise in lurchers being abandoned over recent months and is looking to re-home them. Anyone interested can contact the Cleadon Lane kennels on 529 2369.
Comedy icon Fabio Capello has bought Wayne Rooney’s world crashing down around his ears this morning with the kind of one-liner that can reduce a man to his component parts in a heartbeat. Speaking to The Sun, Capello donned a small fez, tilted it jauntily to one side and then set about summing up Rooney’s shin bumbling run-out at Euro 2012 in one withering rip-snorter: “After seeing the latest game, I think Rooney only understands Scottish. That’s because he only plays well in Manchester, where Sir Alex Ferguson speaks Scottish.” *Moment’s silence* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-OH-CRAP-A-LUNG-CAME-OUT-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!! *Golf clap*
Contracts 5. Stig Inge Bjornebye, Liverpool: When Bjornebye joined Liverpool in 1992 he made the mistake of letting slip that his main passion outside of football was ski-jumping – what with his father, Jo Inge, being a Norwegian Olympic ski jumper and all. As such, Liverpool put a swift kibosh on Bjornebye’s dreams of following in his old man’s footsteps with a contract clause that meant the full-back couldn’t go within 200 yards of a ski-slope. 4. Sam Hammam, Wimbledon: During the mid-1990s, things were done a little bit differently down Wimbledon way, with owner Sam Hammam molding the club in his own zany image – hence, the ‘Crazy Gang’ was born. Hammam had a reputation, both for mucking in with the hi-jinks and for being a bit of a meddling sod – case in point being the clause he inserted in manager Bobby Gould’s contract that he [Hammam] retained the right to change the starting line-up up to 45 minutes before kick-off if he so desired. Gould maintains that the clause was never activated but, with Hammam around, it’s difficult to imagine that being the case. 3. Bernd Stange, Iraq: Veteran German manager Stange signed a four-year deal to become the head coach of the Iraqi national side in 2002 but, with George W. Bush pushing hard for military action in the Middle East at the time, Stange ensured that he’d be allowed to a) eschew any political questions in interviews and, b) walk out should war break out at any point. That’s some world class forward thinking! 2. Stefan Schwarz, Sunderland: After moving to Wearside from Valencia in 1999 he went through a rigorous set of protracted negotiations, in which the Swedish midfielder was asked where he would like to find himself in the next few years if his dreams came true. As a direct reaction to Schwarz’s response – he admitted he’d like to book himself a seat on the first commercial passenger flight into space – Sunderland added a ‘no going into space’ cancellation clause in his contract just to make sure. 1. Spencer Prior, Cardiff City: When Prior signed for Cardiff in 2001, chairman/in-house jester Sam Hammam (there’s that name again!) inserted a clause into his contract which stated that the rugged centre-half would have to “have physical relations with a sheep and eat sheep’s testicles” before he was allowed to play. While the whole ‘sheep shagging’ thing was written off as a hilarious jape, Prior was still made to gobble the ovine ovals. Sensibly, he refused to eat sheep bollocks raw, but begrudgingly obliged after having them cooked and seasoned with salt, parsley and lemon juice – wincing his way through a plateful only to be told afterwards by the grinning Hammam that it was chicken all along!
