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A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2008 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Bloody hot down here!
Jack and Jill got married and were on their honeymoon. On their first night, they began getting undressed together for the first time. As soon as Jack removed his shoes and socks, Jill quickly noticed how twisted and red looking his toes were. "Whatever happened to your feet?" Jill asked. "I had a childhood disease called tolio," replied Jack. "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes," Jack said. Jack then took off his trousers to reveal badly deformed, lumpy knees. "What happened to your knees?" Jill asked. "Well, I also had kneasles," replied Jack. "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneasles, it only affects the knees," Jack said. Finally Jack removed his pants and stood there in all his glory. Jill gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"
If women are so good at multi-tasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the classes. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted...........
