And the contestants are lining up for the final push towards the 2,000th post...Who will it be...Beware of the man who tells everyone that he has had his hat nicked...
Just found their website, they're flying high in the Evo-Stik League Division North, with giants like Salford City, Ramsbottom United and Skelmersdale United... It's been nice knowing you lads but I'm afraid the quality over there will probably make me leave Sunderland behind... http://www.pitchero.com/clubs/lancastercity/
West Yorkshire Police have expressed concern at a rise in the number of Ecstasy users injecting the drug directly into their mouths for a faster hit. The practice has become known locally as E by gum.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
A man named Bill woke up on his birthday. His wife and kids didn't even say good morning to him. So, he left for work in a huff. His receptionist, Joanna, said happy birthday. "Thanks, Joanna. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day." Bill relied, pleased. So he worked until his lunch break, when Joanna asked if he fancied a lunch. Instead of taking their usual lunch just outside, they went to a big beautiful bistro. " My apartment is just around the corner. Would you like to visit?" Joanna asked. "Sure, why not?" Bill replied. At her apartment, Bill sat down on the couch. Joanna said she'd be right back and stepped into the bedroom. Minutes later, she came back out followed by Bills family, friends, and co-workers. Bill just sat there... naked.
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
Went round to a friends house today and his wife was there with their newborn baby. She asked if I would like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg
A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai TV was refused permission to televise The Flintstones. A spokesman said " A claim was made that the people of Dubai would not understand the humour - but the people of Abu Dhabi do"
On holiday in Spain recently I saw a sign that read "English speaking doctor" - I thought - what a good idea - why don't they try that back home?
I read Elton John George Michael and Michael Barrymore are setting up an aid project to find victims of the tsunami and nuclear problems. The three are very used to wading through **** looking for Japanese eyes. Elton and Goerge later announced Michael Barrymore would not be joining in as they wanted to find people alive and not more who had drowned.
The BBC reports that Tens of thousands of Polish fans said farewell their ancestral home yesterday as departed back to their homes in the UK.
