Newcastle United 11/12 School Report

August

2 wins and a draw, and a win in the cup saw this newly revamped Newcastle team unbeaten, and already with a derby win under their belts thanks to a Ryan Taylor stunning free kick at the SOS. There was room for improvement as certain players, such as Ba, we're struggling to get into their rythem.

September

This started with a poor performance at QPR but in the end getting a draw, and then drawing at Villa where we first saw the abilities of Cabaye. We then won 4-3 at Forest in an epic game and then Demba stepped up for his first goals and first hat-trick in a 3-1 home win against Blackburn Rovers. We were starting to look good and we were still unbeaten.

October

October saw Demba grab his 4th Newcastle goal in a win at Wolves. We still hadn't played anyone though, according to the judgmental bullies in class. We then drew 2-2 at home to Tottenham in a brilliant game extending the unbeaten run. We still hadn't played anyone. We then followed that up with a win at home to Wigan and an away win at Stoke, with Demba getting his second hat-trick I'm a Newcastle shirt. We were knocked out by Blackburn in the carling cup 4-3 in between. Still unbeaten in the league.

November

We started with a win against Everton where we saw a stunning Ryan Taylor goal guide us to a 2-1 win. 11 games unbeaten when we travelled to Man City, finally we were playing someone. However 2 individual mistakes cost us and therefore don't count as a poor team display so therefore this result was passed off as a little bit of talking in class and not concentrating on the work, we still hadn't played anyone to teach us a mighty lesson. So, off to Man Utd, they taught us a lesson indeed, how to give away penalties when winning the ball. We drew 1-1. We were delighted with the progress of our pupils.

December

We had a substitute teacher guiding the two tutor groups against Chelsea, and he must didn't know what he was doing letting the other tutor group get out of hand and get away with anything they wanted. A defeat which was swept under the carpet and didn't happen, and the substitute given a stern telling off. He was humiliated by the telling off that much that he decided to get his 3 other mates involved as we lost at Norwich, drew at home to Swansea and lost at home to West Brom. They're all crap, so we still hadn't played anyone fairly, the substitute teachers were out in force, the full timers getting some early Christmas shopping done. Boom, Christmas is over and we win at Bolton, Ben Arfa grabbing his first of the season. However, a substitute teacher got the job again as the full timers wanted to party for new years, so we lost at Liverpool. We hadn't played anyone and quite frankly, December didn't happen.

January

Returning from the school holidays, excellent class work continued with a 3-0 victory over Manchester United, followed by a cup win over Blackburn and we got to witness one of the best goals ever scored by Ben Arfa. We then beat QPR. However, we were told we would struggle without Demba Ba, didn't seem that way, we then signed goal machine Papiss Demba Cisse, but he went off to Africa so we were bound to struggle. We then went to Fulham and lost, substitute teacher, you know the drill. We then went to Brighton and lost but we didn't really care, we wanted to lose to help our European push.

February

Dembas were coming home but we went to Blackburn without them and won 2-0. We then had them back, and they both scored in a 2-1 win over Villa, Cisse's being a cracker. Demba Ba would then turn into a naughty boy as he had his best mate doing his work for him. We then went to Tottenham and lost 5-0. We hadn't played anyone though as 5-0 doesn't constitute as turning up, had we turned up and lost then we would have played someone. We then returned to throw away 2 goals against Wolves to draw. We didn't lose, but it was a bad result.

March

Mackems, home. 1-1. We dominated and deserved to win. They were lucky. We went to Arsenal and lost 2-1. Substitute teacher? Umhmm. Right, here we go!!! We absolutely mauled Norwich, 1-0, and then went to West Brom and literally destroyed them in the first half winning 3-1. The front three of Ba, Cisse and Ben Arfa were destroying teams.

April

Liverpool, it was a big game back then, but no so much when you look back, it was pretty standard. A 2-0 win, lots of abuse for former players. Brilliant, Europe was going to be ours. We then beat Swansea away with 2 more from Cisse, we then beat Bolton at home with another amazing goal from HBA and another from Cisse. We then beat Stoke at home 3-0 to guarantee European football at our school next season. We lost to Wigan 4-0, pretty much the same as the Tottenham game really, the lads thought it was teacher training day so didn't turn up.

May

For not turning up against Wigan, the lads had detention, and did their work properly by winning at Chelsea, where we saw the goal of the season by Papiss Cisse. We then lost to Man City but we had a substitute teacher refereeing so that didn't count. We were then guaranteed 5th by the time we went to Everton and were in with a chance of the champions league. We were ****e, they were ok, so it doesn't constitute as playing anyone.

Overall grade: Much room for improvement indeed but we are overall proud of this group of students, and may they enjoy their school trips abroad next season.

A*

 

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Can you tell I'm bored?

 

You fat bastard. *** Tash told me to say that! ***

If you're bored you should get yourself out on the road with your sister, helping her in her preparation for the GNR and getting rid of some of the lbs you seem to have put on.

It'll be good for both of you.

 

Cheeky twat.

 

You certainly know how to hurt a guy's feelings.

 

Reported.

 

And so he should be. He's a very naughty boy.

Tell a mod on him. That'll teach him.

 

I'm positively outraged to my very core by his tomfoolery.

 

If I had a cannon I'd con him into standing in front of it and I'd shoot him.

 

Fat ****er!!!

Nice article

 

I say A- for us this year.

 

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