Dear Mr Pardew (An apology for Wigan)

Dear Mr Pardew,

May I start by congratulating you on your fantastic season and your uncanny ability to wear solid-framed spectacles with the grace, poise and panache of a Hatem Ben Arfa dribble! I, like many of my fellow Geordie supporters, have been blown away by this years exploits and feel particularly proud of the 6 game winning streak that unfortunately ended with our capitulation at the DW Stadium. I, unlike my fellow Geordie supporters, have a confession to make. That loss was my fault!

On the 9th of February 2012, my Brother's girlfriend gave birth to a young girl named Madeleine Rose Lamb, on the 28th March 2012 she received her first ever Newcastle strip, delivered by me (her uncle) to her birthplace and current home in Eindhoven,The Netherlands.

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Since receiving said strip, Madeleine has guided our team to the following results:

2:0 v Liverpool
0:2 v Swansea
2:0 v Bolton
0:3 v Stoke

Unfortunately, in the days leading up to the game against Wigan, Emma, Madeleine's Mother, contracted a slight virus and as such went into hospital for testing, leaving my Sister (over visiting from Glasgow for the weekend) looking after the baby. My Sister (being somewhat of a lackadaisical numpty) decided not to change Madeleine into her usual game-day apparel and as such we went on to lose the game 4:0.

A swift email was sent to my Brother demanding a more committed effort in order to push for Europe, upon which I received a guarantee that she would not miss another game, beginning with last night's visit to Stamford Bridge. Evidence of which can be found in the post Cisse-screamer picture below:

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To conclude, I apologies profusely for any harm you may have experienced during and after the Wigan defeat and promise never to let the team down in such a manner again.

Your humble servant,

Jesus Was A Geordie.

 

Awww look at those cheeks.

Chubby git. Who ate all the pies

I was a skinny bastard when ah was a babby.

 

She's actually ridiculously skinny for her age etc., I was a pure pudding!

 

please tell me you sent that !

 

you still are

 

Awwww bless mate

 

That's my flatmate in the photo...honest!