Mandy Carroll jokes

Kenny Dalglish has a dilemma, whether to play Andy Carroll in the semi final of the FA Cup or run him in the Grand National

The FA just confirmed a new rule: any player caught passing the ball to Andy Carroll will be booked for time wasting

Liverpool Football Club have appealed Pepe Reina's red card, saying: "In Spain, the act of headbutting someone is a sign of friendship..."

 

Third one isn't about Carroll...

 

Apologies

 

"... never mind the petrol, Andy Carroll is a prime example of what happens when you panick buy..."

 

That's a lot of bulls.

 

Andy Carroll couldn't score in a brothel?

 

Subway have announced they no longer plan to name a sandwich after Andy Carroll due to cost issues.

As it would just be an expensive sub...

 

I was disappointed to hear no rendition of Mandy by Westlife yesterday.

I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into

Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave 35 Millions
And Mike sent you away, oh Mandy
And you left me and stopped Mike from taking
We don't need you today, oh Mandy

I'm standing on the edge of time
Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my eyes
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave 35 Million
And Mike sent you away, oh Mandy
And you left me and stopped Mike from taking
We don't need you today, oh Mandy

Yesterday's a dream
Now I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
The pain is calling, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave 35 Million
And Mike sent you away, oh Mandy
And you left me and stopped Mike from taking
We don't need you today, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave 35 Million
And Mike sent you away, oh Mandy
And you left me and stopped Mike from taking
We don't need you today, oh Mandy

Lazily I could only be arsed to change the chorus.

 

This week is Easter and Good Friday,where all our thoughts turn to a long haired man who died on the end of a cross.Happy Easter Andy Carroll

 

Andy Carroll goes down easier than a £5 hooker?

 

Thats fantastic!!!


Liverpool are planning to expand their coaching squad by signing Tom Daley to give Carroll diving lessons

 

Mandy moved to a bigger club.

 

Why is everyone so hard on Carroll? Seems pretty obvious to me he didn't want to score. I mean come on, the open goal? the header? it was like chops. Get off the lads back.

 

Yeah he's finding hard enough without having to carry anyone else! I couldn't tell if you were serious Travelsick. Personally I have nothing against Carroll. I think he brought it all on himself on Sunday though. I've heard a few say he didn't want to score, I'm not having it. I think with his dive he was trying to get one up on his pal Krul. Krul would have went if the ref hadn't have spotted it. Game over.

I wish the lad well and the money his sale brought has served us very well so we have plenty to thank him for. Did I boo him? No. Am I upset that he got booed by others? No. That's just modern football and he's a big boy. I still think the lad has a lot of potential and will come good if they can get his head sorted out. I'd have him back too, same for Jose.

 

AFTER THE MATCH ON SUNDAY

Jose says to Mandy "Hey senor, I see your having trouble scoring, Si"

Mandy says to Jose "Howay man, ah canny arf Dive though pet"

Jose to Mandy (Pepe overhears) " Si, much better than Pepe can, Si. I didnt concede a goal and you would have saved the header from Cisse, hes useless Pepe is"

Pepe says to Mandy & Jose "****ers"

 

Mandy makes pikeys look clean

 

Very good

 

The FA have issued a new directive towards what constitutes timewasting after a representative attended the Newcastle v Liverpool match yesterday. This will have quite an impact on Liverpool as any player found passing the ball to Andy Carroll will receive a yellow card.

 

LTNS Jim.

Passing to Mandy yesterday was indeed a waste of time. Not that I'm complaining of course.

Not that it would have made much difference, our guys had complete control of the game at all times.