Hello football fans. Please allow me to introduce myself. Before I say anymore, could one of the moderators on this forum make this permanent please, to enable me to find this subject quickly, and therefore be more available to help anyone who asks for help. Thank you. Now a short piece of information about me. My name is Bob Sherunkle, and I deal in problems. There has been many items and programmes produced and written about how stressful the life of a football supporter can be. I am here to offer my services and guidance to you all, free of charge I hasten to add. If there is something about your team, or indeed anything else football related, please feel free to post and I will endeavour to help you with my advice.
It's mother's day on Sunday AND my little girl has a birthday party. What should I do Bob ? Should I bunk off to the pub to watch City play Newcastle and leave the Missus to it ? Or Should I stay at home and be like a 'bear with a sore head' and help with the sarnies and the party games ? I'm in a terrible fix and really need help here
Kickitoff-throwitin No.6, thank you for posting your problem here and sharing it with us all. I am sure you are noi the only person here with that particuar problem. Only you can decde what to do, but here are some questions that you must ask yourself. When you have answered these questions, then you problem about Sunday will be solved. Yours Helpingly Bob. Questions. 1. How old is your daughter? Is she old enough to forgive you or old enough to hold a grudge? 2. As it's mother's day, do you value your knackers? 3. Are you a man or a mouse? Man up, Put you're foot down and tell your wife you're taking her to the pub for mother's day lunch. Tell your daughter she's lucky. Not many under age kids get taken to the pub by their dad. You could even tell her you're preparing her for later in life - a practical present, not a bloody dolly!! Hope this has been of some help. ps. Have a you a split personality? The No 6 part intrigues me, or is that that is your brand of cigarette?
Bob, I can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. I know this afflicts all footie fans, but I am a really bad case. My trouble is I find the problem spreading into everything. For example, I can't tell the difference between a serious forum post and a wind up. There are posts on here that might actually be serious, level headed discussions of matches and players, but to me they might just as well be wind ups. Again, there are posters on here who claim to be Ipswich fans. Seems so unlikely, but I really don't know whether to believe them or not. Oh my god, Bob, are YOU real. Please tell me you're real and can help me. AAAAGGGGHHHHHH
Robbie, This is really quite simple. Reality is how well your team are doing. Fantasy is your local rivals suffer from if they write to you wishing their team was as good as yours A genuine post will not have a key in the back, unlike a wind up which will. Posters claiming to be Ipswich fans on here? . Let's face it Robbie, would you advertise the fact that you supported Ipswich on a public forum? I think you already know that answer dear boy. Yes robbie dear boy. I am very real Yours patronisingly Bob
Hello Bob. I've always wondered if ladyboys were boys or ladys. Wikipedia was no help,perhaps you can answer?
Dear ciderman, There is only no definite answer to this question. Spend 24 hours locked in a room with one trying both ways. See which one you prefer. Yours wonderingly Bob
Dear David, may I call you David my dear boy? Dave just seems so cheap and Londoney. If that is the case, then I fear you may need to turn things around a bit. Yours pityingly Bob
You may, if you wish, people normally call me David when they're cross with me! I have need of your advice, if you please! I have a friend who, when I fart, thinks I am blowing him kisses! At my age, I tend to fart more frequently than a cart-horse! I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but, by the same token, I don't want to offend him! He often brings a gift of fine single malt whisky! You catch my drift?
Dear Bob Please could you fix it for me to play in an FA Cup final. I have always dreamed of playing at Wembley and my favourite player at the moment is Lee Martin. Yours inappropriately Tony, aged 32
David my boy, Herein lies the problem. You will have to either refuse the gift of fine single malt whisky, and risk offending your friend, or take the gift, but immediately and I do stress the importance of this word, pass it on to your friends on here, without having a drop yourself. That way, and only that way, can you then be allowed to be free to the public again without any fear of flatulence. Yours nose wrinkingly, Bob
Dear Tony, Is that the Lee Martin whose father is a doctor and has something to do with a certain type of footwear? Well well, I never knew he played soccer. Anyway Tony, onto your question. I'm afraid I don't do requests or wishes, as i deal solely in problems. However, I can pass your details onto a man I know that does deal in this kind of thing. His name is Harry, but his 'business' name is Rosie. If he takes you on, you will have to make any payment in a brown paper bag. Would this be acceptable to you Tony my lad? Yours helpfully Bob
Dear Bob. Having taken your advice I'm currently locked in a room with somebody named Rosie. At what point should I worry that it may be Harry? Thanks in advance, ciderman.
Dear Bob. Your previous advice has landed me up in Paddington Green nick. Can you recommend me a good brief?
