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March 14th

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Bib Fortuna's Maw, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. Magic Laudrup 11

    Magic Laudrup 11 Well-Known Member
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    I used to go to my grans on a Wednesday for pizza.
     
    #21
  2. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    She cooks a crackin ruby murray <ok>
     
    #22
  3. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    *shart*
     
    #23
  4. Bib Fortuna's Maw

    Bib Fortuna's Maw Well-Known Member

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    Cannae beat a toothless sook <ok>

    please log in to view this image


    "The pizza's just oot the oven, Calum"
     
    #24
  5. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    I'm knackered on both counts. The wife is on a diet and also up on blocks so no steak and no session. I agree that this should not preclude a nosh but as I don't get Horatio without then knocking boots I'm on salad and shaking hands with Pamela for the rest of the week.

    Can we make March 17th Kebab and anal day? She'd have all of Mother's Day to recover.
     
    #25
  6. Fabulous Fabio

    Fabulous Fabio Well-Known Member

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    Is this a riddle or am I just a *****?

    Up on blocks?
    Horacio?
    Knocking boots?
     
    #26
  7. Girvan Loyal 1690

    Girvan Loyal 1690 Nobody's safe now

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    hopefully she'll hear about this off someone. I cant just come out with "eh btw it's national steak and blowjob day"
     
    #27
  8. Bib Fortuna's Maw

    Bib Fortuna's Maw Well-Known Member

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    Ask her in an email.


    EDGE and I got fantastic results going by that rou.......


    Actually, naw, yer right - just make sure she has male friends on Facebook.
     
    #28
  9. Girvan Loyal 1690

    Girvan Loyal 1690 Nobody's safe now

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    I'll settle for chinky and blowjob day <ok>

    infact the chinkies do steaks, never had one mind you
     
    #29
  10. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    Translation.
    I will have no luck with either red meat or oral sex because my wife is currently on a diet and is also halfway through her menstrual cycle so no steak or sexual intercourse.

    Not being willing to perform normal sex should not mean that oral sex performed on me by my wife should be out of bounds but as she doesn't usually advance such an offer without it leading to full penatritive sex I am therefore reduced to eating salad and masturbating until normal service resumes.

    Knackered - buggered, up **** creek, perplexed
    Up on blocks - painters are in, pissing blood, time of the month
    Session - at it like knives, horizontal tango, sexual intercourse
    Horatio - as in Hornblower, nosh, gob job, sword swallow, oral sex
    Shaking hands with Pamela - as in Anderson (Palm of the Hand-erson), gentleman's pleasure, a ****

    I hope this has cleared up any confusion.
     
    #30

  11. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    You get ****ed over if you're a veggie...

    Quorn and a BJ doesn't sound like that special a night :(
     
    #31
  12. Bib Fortuna's Maw

    Bib Fortuna's Maw Well-Known Member

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    I went out with a veggie and her farts were stinking, man.

    Lovely lassie, deadly arse <ok>

    Veggie spunk is probably pretty rank.
     
    #32
  13. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    Just told her mate<ok>

    *zzzzzip*
     
    #33
  14. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    I eat pretty healthily, don't often get evil farts, onion bhajis are the only thing I can think of that sets me off.

    Never tried veggie spunk so couldn't say if it tastes bad, haven't had any complaints so far. <ok>
     
    #34
  15. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Of course you can.

    Point out to her that the basis of a solid loving and successful relationship is open and honest communication (The wimmin love that kinda ****)

    Then announce it's nosh and steak day.

    <ok>
     
    #35
  16. Girvan Loyal 1690

    Girvan Loyal 1690 Nobody's safe now

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    I could offer to take her out for dinner then I could order the steak then maybe she'll get the drift
     
    #36
  17. Barrie Lochrie

    Barrie Lochrie New Member

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    I'm getting chicken fajitas and if I'm lucky, I'll get to sniff her jammies before she puts them on.
     
    #37
  18. Bib Fortuna's Maw

    Bib Fortuna's Maw Well-Known Member

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    Or;

    "Jesus Christ, my balls and helmet are awful dry"

    zzzzzzzzziiiiippppppp
     
    #38
  19. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Just after dinner and before a couple of after dinner drinks tell her to nip aff to the loo and take her knickers aff and show you them in her handbag when she gets back.

    You'd be surprised how often that works.
     
    #39
  20. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>.
     
    #40

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