Also try most things Malcolm Tucker says in "The Thick of it" http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2009/oct/15/thick-of-it-malcolm-tucker?mobile-redirect=false I would note that there is rather "colourful" language in those quotes
One from a good mate of mine. Talking to someone he would say." People reckon you ain't fit to sleep with pigs" He would then add " I disagree,I think you are" Still makes me smile
Two judges chatting over the port in their club: Judge 1 : What do you normally a give a man for gross indecency in a public place? Judge2. : A ten shiling note and all my loose change. A car salesman I used to deal with in Binsville once said "Good Morning Gentlemen,I use the term loosely" Me: "I should use it very loosely,it's a quarter past twelve"
I just love some of the sledging between Cricketers and to say that it is a sport played by gentlemen!
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" 2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. 3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your mother, she gives me a biscuit" 4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes during 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played& missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to theboundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl." 5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad during 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. 6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards during a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff." 7. Ian Healy his legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat ****!!!" 8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family" 9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out." 10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were **** then you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-ra...ck-of-it-malcolm-tucker?mobile-redirect=false Bath-Canary's link above!
Freddie Trueman had been invited to a charity cricket match in some archetypal English village. The village wass domiated by the local landowner gentry type. After Truemans side had batted, it was their turn to bowl and what the crowd wanted to see happened, he skittled most of them out cheaply. Just before the next batsman came out Truemans skipper came up to him and told him thta the next guy in was the local landowner and benefactor and he was about 80, so would he go easy on him. Trueman agreed. The old boy came out, white hair and moustache, skeleton pads, curved bat and his old public school cap on. Trueman approached and said. "Sir I respect your age and that you have organised this match so first ball I'm going to give you a dolly so you can hit me for four". "Oh thank you Mr Truman" said the old boy but before he took another step, Truman snorted "and with the next ball I'm going to pin you to the ****in sightscreen".
.......i heard that one with aussie merv hughs as the bowler but can't remember the batsman. have an idea it may have been robin smith.
As I was speaking to our solicitor for the 5th time today (impending house move) I said " you will be sick of the sound of my voice soon" he replied " Who says I am not already!" OUCH!!!
Eric Douglas (son of Kirk) to an unappreciative audience: "Don't you know who I am, I'm Kirk Douglas' son." "No, i'm kirk Douglas' son' "No im Kirk Douglas' son"...
The only thing in sport funnier than sledging is boxer's trash talk "this will be so one-sided it will look like a gang-rape" is my favourite! (Haye about Klitchco- turns out he was right!)
"Don't swat those flies- they're the only friends you've got!" Can't remember who said it, but its my favourite bit of sledging!
I've seen an epic argument between an old associate of mine and some absolute loudmouth cow who went out with someone we knew not a pleasent person at all, my associate finished of the argument by asking her a question which was about something she finds embarrassing to which was met with silence surprisingly instead of the usual explosion so just to keep her down my associate shouts out 'And that ****ing question was rhetorical you prick!' It was like a knockout punch. His opponent could best be compared to Susie Greene from Curb your Enthusiasm!
