We're like a constipated man with a shrivelled penis.

Here is my analogy of our team comparing to the human body, the ball is the nutrients.

First we swallow nutrients (opposition attacking) before they reach the stomach (defence) who break the attack down superbly. They then distribute the nutrients to our intestines (deep mid 2) which pass the nutrient through and distribute it to our bladders or bowels (forward midfield 3) which do some fine work before distributing whatever's there to our penis or anus. Now this is where the problem lies.

In the case of urination, the bladder passes the stuff to the (uncircumcised) penis, which happens to either be out in the freezing cold, or on the body of a man who's taken a large dose of amphetamine based drugs; (for those unaware about such drugs, one particular demoralising side effect is they make your willy shrink to the extent it looks like an acorn hiding in a Brillo pad), so the foreskin is like an extra long uncontrolable floppy flap of skin, so when it comes to passing the urine into the toilet (having a shot at goal) it's impossible to keep it on target, and it could go any direction in the 180 degrees in front of you.

In the case of a bowel movement, the man is constipated so can't even pass the feces to attempt to hit the target with in the first place. I feel this is our most common frustration after good build up play, we always seem to pass or touch too many times and after reaching a dangerous position, we usually dont even end up getting a shot away at all.

In short, we do everything brilliantly until it comes to taking a shot, where it's like there's some sort of forecefield blocking the goal, or in my analogies case, the toilet. It has to be a matter of confidence along with crumbling under pressure to act quickly.

 

"nurse, nurse.................!!"

 

No crack, just imagination and depression about losing last night

 

I know but it was as good as a loss with all those chances, 2 points dropped, missed our chance to jump straight back in the play offs. I think every team that played has sent out a message this week..

 

Or in simpler terms, we lost an opportunity rather than a game.

 

So what your saying is we need to find a way to lift the toilet lid before going??

 

You have a rather unhealthy obsession with penises, Bob

 

That was a masterpiece Bob. I've printed it out and hung it on the bog door to encourage all.

 

Only read this thread because I thought he was talking about me

 

same , i thought it was a thread with some helpful advice

 

It's like having sex when your pissed! Great fun and enjoyable but also extremely frustrating and missing an end product!

 

oh dear PB. things are not as bad as they appear - just open your eyes.

 

I thought we played a hard game, that only lacked a final spurt, to win. The pitch was ****.

 

The trick is to get the balance right between it taking a while, and it not happening at all. Either one of my exes was good at judging when I'd had enough for it to work in her favour, or she was conditioning me to stop drinking when she told me to in a way I hope Pavlov never did with his dog.