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Kids these days!!

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by HorsleyHillCat, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. HorsleyHillCat

    HorsleyHillCat Well-Known Member

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    The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

    Q.. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)


    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
     
    #1
  2. farnboromackem

    farnboromackem Well-Known Member

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    <applause> brilliant - best one for me was the 'delaying milk turning sour - class
     
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  3. Nads

    Nads Well-Known Member

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    Ha ha.

    Rather amusing.

    Keeping the milk in the cow is technically correct, I hope they got a mark!
     
    #3
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    do you have any more of the Newcastle 16 year old replies as these are class
     
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  5. HorsleyHillCat

    HorsleyHillCat Well-Known Member

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    Impossible, Newcastle 16 year olds can't read or write
     
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  6. MackemsRule

    MackemsRule Well-Known Member

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    I'm not surprised they didn't know the Four Seasons, bit before their time.
    Frankie Valli
    Bob Gaudio
    Tommy DeVito
    Nick Massi




    Plus
    I would have given the kid extra points for "Dead sheep and canoeists!" Brilliant. :)
     
    #6
  7. Carsey75

    Carsey75 Member

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    Made me laugh, and brightened up backshift! Cheers mate :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
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  8. Steven Royston O'Neill

    Steven Royston O'Neill Well-Known Member

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    Am I the only one who does not see whats wrong? I dare you to say no
     
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  9. Erik

    Erik Well-Known Member

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    Some of those - though worryingly not all - are clearly taking the piss. Be worried, but not too worried.
     
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  10. QPR999

    QPR999 Well-Known Member
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    That's brilliant shieldscat. I just read them out to my wife, she's in bits!
    I'm going to nick this if I may and stick it on our board.
    Things are a bit quiet on there today, plus we could do with some cheering up.
    All the best v The Gunners lads, not that you'll need it.
     
    #10

  11. MackemsRule

    MackemsRule Well-Known Member

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    You mean like me answering the religion question on the Census with "Jedi"
     
    #11
  12. HorsleyHillCat

    HorsleyHillCat Well-Known Member

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    Enjoy it, that's what it's there for
     
    #12
  13. HorsleyHillCat

    HorsleyHillCat Well-Known Member

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    I know only to well about backshift on a Friday, glad to help
     
    #13
  14. MackemsRule

    MackemsRule Well-Known Member

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    Stop telling fibula's.
     
    #14
  15. Steven Royston O'Neill

    Steven Royston O'Neill Well-Known Member

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    it was just a yoke
     
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  16. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    <applause> topper.
     
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